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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Falldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: crimson echo
    ASL Info:    21 M U.S. of A
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 412/150/55
    Words: 233
    Class/Type: Misc/
    Total Views: 1199
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1585



    Description:
        What happens, should you fall in a dream and not awaken before you strike the ground?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Falldots
    -------------------------------------------


    We have been here before.
    I know it.
    Though it's not necessarily a memory,
    or any retention of real information.
    It could simply be that I am aware of
    other, similar perceptions;
    that I have been affected in this way
    at some time.

    So it is
    with some small understanding
    that I may describe what I see herein.
    First, observe:
    there is the tower we sought to climb.
    You can see where it pierces the clouds,
    trails lightning through the gap it opens
    in incessant flows of vapor.

    You can see
    where the minds of bygone times
    thought to make it beautiful;
    where long-dead angels stand guard
    or immortal, faceless beasts
    mirror the fears we hold most dear.

    You can see the windows, stained glass,
    each shard perfect and shining,
    caught with a shade of scarlet,
    faintly reminiscent of blood.

    You can see the place where other climbers
    lost their grip,
    for the stones have crumbled away.
    The tower cries like a being chilled,
    though warm wind passes through
    these holes in the wall.

    You can see the green of vines,
    creeping up from the dirt itself,
    slowly breaking apart the foundation
    wearing away the sacred stone:
    and when it falls, all memory shall with it.
    Esse est percipi.

    And you can see the ground, rising to meet you--




    Submitted on 2007-09-18 12:56:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The first thing that struck me when I read this one was that it reads like an article at some places, especially in the beginning, "Though it's not necessarily..." part. Like some anecdote you're writing. That kind of makes it lose its sheen. That aside, the theme's good, description's even better. I particularly liked the third stanza. Why did you feature this one though?

    Best wishes! :)
    Aditi
    | Posted on 2008-04-22 00:00:00 | by esoterica | [ Reply to This ]
      This is more like a world of its own, a whole book waiting to be written, to be peopled with fantastic characters! If you have the time, write it.

    | Posted on 2008-02-18 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      Really, the first line is: "There is the tower we sought to climb" ... and that's the first decent line, too! The introductory lines are too like prose and they're too abstract ... maybe they could be replaced by a word or two of explanation after the imagery begins? Maybe you don't need them.

    Who are "we"?

    The tower reminds me of a Tarot card! The sixteenth trump.

    The latin bit loses most of us, I reckon. Either you don't want many readers, in which case you ought to be writing in latin, because that is such a rare and valuable art nowadays! Or else we anglophones all really need to understand what you're saying, because actual poets are rare and valuable too; wanted by everybody - who is able to read them.
    | Posted on 2008-01-09 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, interesting. nothing really to complain about, nothing really to say other than great job and keep up the good work. .

    Jessica
    | Posted on 2007-09-30 00:00:00 | by jslbabygirl101 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is dripping with psychological metaphors. It poses a very interesting question, because we've all had dreams in which we're falling off a cliff or a building or being chased, but we always seem to wake up before the worst possible thing can reach you, whether it's being crushed or caught by your worst enemy; but it makes you wonder, just what would happen if you didn't wake up in time?

    According to dream psychology, we wake up suddenly because what is happening in the dream is too intense for us to handle. We reach the peak of all the conflict that torments us throughout the nightmare, and we have to escape by waking up.

    We have been here before.
    I know it.
    Though it's not necessarily a memory,
    or any retention of real information.
    It could simply be that I am aware of
    other, similar perceptions;
    that I have been affected in this way
    at some time.


    This is a very good description of what a dream is; pure imagination, which is simply your mind taking things you have experienced and putting them back together in a different form.

    So it is
    with some small understanding
    that I may describe what I see herein.
    First, observe:
    there is the tower we sought to climb.
    You can see where it pierces the clouds,
    trails lightning through the gap it opens
    in incessant flows of vapor.


    This is the tower/mountain/obstacle everyone faces from time to time; I like the imagery at the end; clouds seem to be very common in my lucid dreams.

    You can see
    where the minds of bygone times
    thought to make it beautiful;
    where long-dead angels stand guard
    or immortal, faceless beasts
    mirror the fears we hold most dear.


    This brings to mind that frozen, meloncholy sense of the eternal, when beautiful and terrifying images are mixed in one scene...symbols of our deepest fears and admirations..

    You can see the windows, stained glass,
    each shard perfect and shining,
    caught with a shade of scarlet,
    faintly reminiscent of blood.


    Colors are very symbolic in dreams..for me rainbow colors can be bad...stained glass could mean so many things; the red here is not blood, but represents blood..

    You can see the place where other climbers
    lost their grip,
    for the stones have crumbled away.
    The tower cries like a being chilled,
    though warm wind passes through
    these holes in the wall.


    This brings in the danger and the challenge that is so common in obstacle dreams. Maybe, if you try hard enough, you can make it past where the others have fell...

    You can see the green of vines,
    creeping up from the dirt itself,
    slowly breaking apart the foundation
    wearing away the sacred stone:
    and when it falls, all memory shall with it.
    Esse est percipi


    A structure of the mind, unfortunately not infallible...made from the building blocks of all the information collected by your subconious; maybe it's getting to high to stand much longer...

    "Esse est percipi" "to be is to be percieved"
    This tower of memory that shapes your perception of reality....what is reality without it? Where is reality?

    And you can see the ground, rising to meet you--

    And here it is; the moment when we reach that most difficult question, the barrier that blinds all mankind; we lose our grip and plunge to the ground...

    Perhaps if we were to stay in the dream after falling, we would find that it's not what we thought it was...maybe we'll just bounce. Who knows?

    This was very well written. It got me thinking about questions that have been in my mind for awhile.

    Jen
    | Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very good.....i don't even know how to explain how good it is...you are good enough to make me envy you...it makes me feel like i'm there st the bottom staring up at it and it is so very intimidating...but i dno't even know..it was beautiful...it usually is
    | Posted on 2007-09-22 00:00:00 | by taintedsmiles | [ Reply to This ]
      You know what that reminds me of? The Matrix, when Morpheus goes "I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he's expecting to wake up. ". See I even remember the exact sentence.

    That said, I am now thinking of Jack and the Beanstalk, but to add a peeve into this statement I admit my confusion over "in incessant flows of vapor." Shouldn't it be "into" or something, how does a door open in something intangible?
    But I think the whole thing reads like a rhythmic free verse. Which shouldn't be the case, honestly, if you're doing to add rhythm you had better make it rhyme (just for the effect, mind) otherwise the free verse sort of...loses its liberty. Interesting that something like this should pop up to someone with a metre of your calibre though.

    It could simply be that I am aware of
    other, similar perceptions;
    that I have been affected in this way
    at some time.


    I have the idea of a dream (which should be the point, yay!). Moody and stringy, just like thoughts.

    You can see the windows, stained glass,
    each shard perfect and shining,
    caught with a shade of scarlet,
    faintly reminiscent of blood.


    EH. This part sounds weird and off. No clue why.

    Misplaced colon after "stone". I don't think there's a grocery list there.

    The ending's good, as always.

    Cheers
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2007-09-19 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]


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    149753

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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