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    dots Submission Name: Ultimate Addictiondots

    Author: Hazy skies
    ASL Info:    18/M/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    2.34 - 20/51/26
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1231
    Average Vote:    4.2500
    Bytes: 1592


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUltimate Addictiondots

    silence envelopes you in tendrils of safety
    another day aproaches but you don't care
    in this cocoon of peace you are sovreign
    not a thing can touch you
    you are safe

    the new day awakens leaving you cold
    the folds of kindness retreat as you step out
    into the world you trod insides empty
    thoughts still return constantly
    to that womb of warmth

    The end of day is coming
    your prayers are answerd
    soon you will be back again
    to that which you hold so dear
    so close to your heart

    it always greets you smiling
    warmth pouring through
    hugs you tight as though you might escape
    oh so tight yet oh so gently
    it fills you with happiness

    always thinking of it
    like a drug its the ultimate addiction
    though you deny it to all
    your mind always returns to it
    you don't feel safe without it

    Folding like a blanket
    'round your shoulders
    softly singing to your heart
    a song sedating your every pain
    pumps kindness through your veins

    You deny it to friends
    acting cold to hide your softness
    you must act strong in front of them
    guard it with every fiber of your being
    For if you let it go it will leave you

    Cherish it, hold it, never release it
    keep it close to your heart
    do not shun it or deny it
    Keep it safe never hurt it
    never let your love go........

    Submitted on 2007-09-19 18:04:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. Although in real life it's kinda heard to take your advice. There always seems to be something that interferes. Anyway, good write, keep on writing!
    | Posted on 2011-07-30 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey I said I'd comment anything if you asked, and you specified this peice. By the way thank you for your words on "Yours." Like your piece here, "Ulimate Addiction," that one hints at a few of my own dependencies.

    I liked the softness of it and its comes across as wonderfully sweet. The third to last stanza is my favorite. And the best imagery I see in the work.

    "Folding like a blanket
    'round your shoulders
    softly singing to your heart
    a song sedating your every pain
    pumps kindness through your veins"

    One complaint I have is that the diction is so nice and the format so neatly done but I feel the line breaks could use a second checking over. The flow and meter is nice but theres just the hint, the feeling of a first draft to the piece. I wish you would add some punctuation, thats just a personal preference though. Punctuation makes things appear more polished.

    The theme of the poem stays on point and consistency is always key. Your message is beautiful and I enjoyed the read.

    | Posted on 2009-12-23 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      Awesome write, really love the last two spits really hit home.
    Keep it up.

    Much love.
    | Posted on 2007-09-21 00:00:00 | by Kube | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written fantastically. It flowed well and was worded so that the reader had to read to the end. usually poems like this bore me and I stop reading, but this one captured my attention and didn't let go. I really loved how you didn't reveal what the object was till the last line. That was great. Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading

    | Posted on 2007-09-20 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      Fantastic flow to this write. Your use of words is very good. I especially like:

    "softly singing to your heart
    a song sedating your every pain"

    Thanks for sharing!

    | Posted on 2007-09-20 00:00:00 | by swiftless | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice. I know that's kind of vague, but actually I really enjoyed it, esp. the rhythm of it.
    | Posted on 2007-09-19 00:00:00 | by carsayzylum | [ Reply to This ]

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