You do not waste words and that is a virtue unto itself. This comment may sound trite, but it is a rare trait to find. Usually this format reads lazy. Here it feels like winter. The poem is cold and dangerously soft. It tricks the reader.
The first time I finished it something about your work demanded a second read, then a third, and then a fourth. NOT because there was a fault, but due to the fact there are different lessons to be taken anew with each revisit.
I don't know you or your mom, but I do. I don't understand the treatment of animals, yet it isn't brutal for brutality's sake.
Then at the end there is you. There is the echo of you as if your mother speaks it aloud. It's almost as if your turn to be trapped in a cage or tied to a tree is next.
this leaves me feeling a little uncomfortable.
you know when you watch a movie that ends but doesnt end and you know that if it rolled into extra time it would play out exactly how you fear it would...?
this is what this piece does to me...
ultimately there are three things the parrot, dog and girl have in common... they are animals... they have names... they are connected to the same owner...
now unless we can apply meatloafs 'two outta three aint bad' line to this piece i fear that henrietta's fate is rather similar to that of pauline and peanut...
part of me thinks this is like a warning of things to come... like she is so dreadfully unhappy and it is sort of like a suicide note without it being a suicide note. but then i think im crazy and read way too much into things...
what strikes me most of all is the mother who names things and tries not to hate them...
she kept the parrot under a blanket and the dog chained to a pole... how does she keep the girl?
man... this is seriously mind-bending reading... intense and crazy like.
Holy crap. This is a minimalistic dream. So shocking, yet so mesmerizing.
It almost seems as if the poem is the dialogue of a little girl. She'd go around telling random people things like "Daddy is with another lady" or "Everybody yells at my house". Heh. This poem has that kind of quality. It is very good and it makes me wanna hug my dogs.
You know, I can't explain it but this really hit home,
It may have been that I dated a girl who had a naked parrot, so maybe you had me from there but there is real emotion involved here without too many fancy words and description,
Really nice job,
Thanks,
Spin
Well I really want to do some thoughtfull critizing here, but I have a chemistry exam in an hour....so you will have to bear with me untill I have enough spare time to think and give a good full constructive thought to this.....
Huh. I really liked this one. The understated ending really drew me in.
I think the only bit about this that I would have changed was the third stanza. The transition between the parrot (1st line) and the dog (2nd line) is a bit rough.
Also, remember to add apostrophes in the fifth stanza (parrot's and dog's). Picky detail.
Nice work with this. It leaves me a little terrified.
It's interesting, what this implies. To me, at least. Everyone says that animals don't kill themselves. They don't have a conscience, they don't have emotions, they can't be torn between what they want to love but cannot help but hate. The only way an animal can purposefully end it's own life is to shorten the suffering before a certain death, like when a whale beaches itself. This is a poem about neglect and resentment. You describe a mother who builds her sense of security through the torment of others. Intense, intense, intense. I worried, about Henrietta. Luckily, I think, she is not an animal. She has a conscience, and emotions, and a life to live. She will a choice, and eventually, the power, to leave. Amazing write.
Submission Name: Born Confession
