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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: She Tried To Murder Me!dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MowsysWrath
    ASL Info:    15 Beastiality Bunghole
    Elite Ratio:    4.19 - 75/85/45
    Words: 533
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 128
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2758



    Description:
       Testing, for a fight. Not much detail on the people.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe Tried To Murder Me!dots
    -------------------------------------------


    She Tried To Murder Me!
    By Mowsy Merethil and Bryce Ridgeway

    It was strange, seeing that shy girl in class. Messing with her proved no response until the day it happened. She threatened to slit my throat in Algebra if I continued to toy with her. Really, I thought she wasn’t so bad until that happened. No, I wasn’t scared, but I certainly didn’t expect what happened that night.

    I awoke to a strange huff noise, opening my eyes to see the silhouette of the short shy girl from Algebra class. The gleam of a cold knife told me to move, I rolled to the side and grabbed my sheathed Katana as the knife was driven into my bed where my gut had been only moment before. I unsheathed the katana as the girl pulled the knife out from my bed. I had little time to react when she jumped at me. Her dagger came down again, but I blocked it with my sheath. I forced the blade away, knocking her off balance. Before I could strike, my feet were tangled in my blanket and I fell off the bed, dropping the sheath. The katana remained in my hand, luckily. The girl tried to stab me once more, but this time I lifted a foot before she even got close. My foot hit her in the stomach, forcing her to stop her assault for a moment. The time was long enough for me to stand up and ready myself. My back was to my door; her back was to my television. I kicked at her again, but she grasped my foot and flung me into the air. I flipped, hit my back on the ceiling and fell on my face. Knowing she’d try to stab again, I rolled and avoided another fatal blow. As she stood back up from attempting to stab me, I brought my foot to the back of her legs and forced her down to her knees. I quickly stood up and spun, kicking her in the back of the head. She fell onto her face, but proceeded to flip forward and get right back up on her feet. She turned and glared at me, the knife still firmly in her hands.
    “I told you, if you messed with me, I’d KILL you,” she told me, pure evil in her eyes. My heard was beating faster, I feared her.
    “Why… I was playing, I didn’t mean anything offensive!” I replied. She didn’t seem to listen. She charged me with her knife once more, I held out my katana to attempt to stab her, but she ducked under it and dug her knife into my stomach. My eyes shot open, pain filled me and I stood, defeated. She brought the knife out slowly; I fell to my knees as I dropped my katana.
    “Consider this a warning.” She said, cleaning her knife on my black shirt.
    That was all I could remember before blacking out. Now I’m here in the hospital, my wounds are being healed… and covered from view. She’s an expert assassin; she even has the hospitals fearing her.

    -End




    Submitted on 2007-09-20 07:49:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      yo awesome write. it was entertaining and not super long.


    peace
    Grim
    | Posted on 2007-11-27 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ]
      Some days I wish I could kill you. Meh Outlaw pointed out a few things that were wrong, one of the things that irked me out (besides the fact she flipped the guy up to the ceiling) Kicking someone in the stomach won't really stop them for long, especially if they have abs, I would know Vicki has kicked me several times in the stomach. It hurt a lot, and shocked me a bit, but it hardly stopped me long enough for her to get up or run away. My advice is you need to think about how a person would really react with out blowing it out of proportion. I know it's easy to get carried away, I do it all the time, though it's an error I'm trying to correct.

    Anyway, I give this a thumbs up just because it was fun to read andl matched my mood at the moment.
    | Posted on 2007-11-05 00:00:00 | by CharlieKat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is strange.. and not because it falls into the main vein of the story without an introduction, but because some of the details are... out of place. That may be because I was expecting something a little more realistic... Her flipping this guy and his back hitting the ceiling was just a "WTF?" moment for me... since when do girls kick such hard ass? And if she's trained aptly enough to do that, she wouldn't have woken him up ... But in spite of little details like that, though I may not agree with them, this story is starting to have some kind of a style.. which on your part is awesome...

    If you keep writing like this... I'll try to help you define yourself more.. but in return I would ask that you should do the same.. as for my style of writing stories.. because I am aware that I suck at it... I may have the english.. but that's it..

    Sound like a deal?
    | Posted on 2007-09-20 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]


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