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    dots Submission Name: Reflections on an Icy Daydots

    Author: Peggy Paris
    ASL Info:    61/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 747/570/167
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 599
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1098


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReflections on an Icy Daydots

    A glossy shine transformed the street
    where none would dare to tread
    and clung to branches near the creek
    as crows cawed overhead.

    How brisk the air did feel this day
    as whispers marked each breeze
    with breath reflecting life’s own warmth
    in captivated freeze.

    A puppy found what sleet and ice
    had claimed as theirs alone.
    With careless glee, he ran and slid
    despite his owner’s tone.

    Sheer circumstance of weather’s force
    did halt life’s normal pace
    and lent a crystal wonderland
    to cover winter’s face.

    Since traffic dared not venture out,
    a quiet filled the air
    disclosing what is rarely seen
    beyond the workday blare.

    A special brand of gratitude
    encompasses the soul
    of one who’s forced to take a break
    from being in control.

    Some humans think they’re masterful,
    but Mother Nature’s wise.
    She need not brag of mighty deeds;
    they humble human eyes.

    Submitted on 2007-09-21 23:07:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was very well done & so enjoyable Sharon!

    This was a beautiful piece with a beautiful underlying message!

    Enjoy the day with love,peace,joy,abundance & smiles to share
    tif ~*~
    | Posted on 2009-02-17 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I believe I owe you one, right? If not, I'm commenting regardless...

    The first two stanzas really flow well, and I like the imagery of the crows flying over a white landscape, but the line "in captivated freeze" bugs me for some reason. I can't quite put my finger on why, though.

    The only other problem I really see is this stanza:

    "Sheer circumstance of weather’s force
    did halt life’s normal pace
    and lent a crystal wonderland
    to cover winter’s face."

    It starts out feeling like there are too many syllables in the first line; then the second line goes stilted on us, which really isn't necessary. It seems like you switch voices for two lines then go back to the other voice for the rest of the poem.

    However, I like the message overall: what kind of life do we lead if we don't ever take a moment's rest? I've been learning that myself with the amount of work I've had recently. You start to lose track of what you're trying to do, to fall away from your original course. The wiser ones are those who look beyond the effort and keep their eyes on what they came for.

    Content-wise, you were brilliant with imagery and with getting the point across--I'm just not sure about the flow at certain points.

    | Posted on 2007-09-28 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]
      This is such an awe-inspiring poem to me! It makes me think of how great and powerful Mother Nature really is, and how we can't really control what goes on in nature no matter how hard we try. And though we can't control it, we can still enjoy nature to its fullest

    Thanks much for sharing Sharon! Your poems always have such rhyme and rhythm, but get a message across so clear and well I wouldn't change a thing about this poem - Thanks again for sharing, do keep writing so I can enjoy more of your work

    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by Lil Sere | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this was so so good. the rhyming, rythym, and choice of words was so well chosen. really great job one of my favorites
    | Posted on 2007-09-24 00:00:00 | by DontLetGo421 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was delightful, Sharon! And, not only did it tell a fun winter tale, but the structure, rhyme, and rythm was perfect! Bravo!

    Ice storms were common in winter in the High Plains area of Texas when I was growing up, and the scenery is beautiful with icicles and ice everywhere, but everything comes to a stop until the ice cover goes away! Getting the livestock fed with ice cover everywhere was a day long chore, with everything moving at a snails pace, and tire chains being a necessity to even get a vehicle to move!
    | Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Sharon, this served to remind me of my youth up in the snowy state of New Hampshire. It has been quite a while since I've had to deal with slippery roads.
    | Posted on 2007-09-22 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]

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