[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Controlling Itdots

    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 975
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 911


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsControlling Itdots

    An open window
    A white lamp -
    Strains of Aaron Neville
    in a middle octave stretch
    to the alley below.

    A figure, bent at the waist
    smoothes Lycra tights
    over smooth calves and thighs
    over mounded intersection
    over rounded abdomen.

    A face, pulled tight
    with masque and elastic
    pinked, ageless, unknowable,
    blinks into a lighted mirror.

    An arm, delicate, deliberate
    stretches for iced vodka,
    pill bottle, sequined gown.
    Zips, cinching waist
    nestling small round breasts
    high in strapless white lace.
    In profile only the bulge
    that strains at the throat
    looks artificial.

    A pair of shoes – four inch
    stiletto pumps that pinch
    just right – fitting penance
    for crimes of this nature.

    Submitted on 2007-09-22 00:47:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      one of my favourite singers, Antony and the johnsons is a transgendered female.

    fitting penance for crimes of this nature; is the crime that s/he looks better than most females already born with all of these parts? is the crime that she is a woman trapped in a man's body?

    whenever i listen to antony, who i thought was a woman's voice, and she might as well be until she takes off her make-up, i feel this forlorn longing- like i am secretly petitioning for her to wake up one day and find that she has a womb and all the parts in all the right places. i read this piece twice and it made me feel the same way and i just don't want to imagine that it is about a sex worker transvestite because the cliché might kill me.

    | Posted on 2007-09-22 00:00:00 | by kitsch | [ Reply to This ]
      yes i enjoyed this one, very nice , vivid descriptions, i am not too sure about the character in this piece .maybe it,s a tranvestite,like someone says above, or maybe it,s a prostitute. it could also be an old actor(male) getting ready to go on stage at a drag show. overall it was really good.
    take care
    | Posted on 2007-09-22 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]
      lol! this was good! boy can i picture HER, and it ain't pretty!

    my only suggestion would be to do something about the 3 'only's in a row in the 2nd stanza. other than that, a nice one!
    | Posted on 2007-09-22 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Please excuse me if I am wrong, yet this poem reminds me of a transvestite. As I read the end a pair of shoes four inch, stietto pumps pinch just right-fitting penance for crimes of this nature. As if cross dressing is a sin. Or as if nature intended a gender to be of that one gender not the other. Also I felt this when I read that the adams apple looks aritifical, and the name Aaron Nevile, as Aaron is a males name and the only male named thrown inside of this poem. And this subject,or character you describe inside of this poem is detaled as a complete female figure, a beautiful one at that. Please tell me if I am wrong.
    | Posted on 2007-09-22 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]