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    dots Submission Name: Jestering Fooldots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 194
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 830
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1157


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    dotsJestering Fooldots

    I open my mind and heart.
    Iíve begun, just waiting for you to start.
    A life time doesnít last forever.
    If it means waiting for you I will however.
    You detach yourself when I smile with tears streaming down my face.
    Iíve never let anyone this close all I need is your loving embrace.
    This whole world is merely a lost din.
    With you I hear the soft strokes of Loveís violin.
    Iím not allowed in and I feel the spears,
    But all you can see are my weakened tears.
    My whole life Iíve been pushed away .
    All I need to hear you say,
    "I choose to stay."
    I know this can go to an untouchable height.
    Look in my eyes canít you see my twilight?
    Sometimes you make me feel like I donít exist.
    My eyes rage but Iím sorry I get pissed.
    But love only shines when anger subsides.
    Calm down let me look inside.
    Let go of all your grieves,
    Blow them away like dead leafs.
    ShhhÖ Lets just quietly resume.
    And let this love openly bloom.
    Because like a Jestering fool
    I fell in Love with you.

    Submitted on 2004-02-04 13:45:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Good job. A little choppy in the beginning, but ends with a bang. Great content and packed with emotion. Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2004-02-07 00:00:00 | by Scribner | [ Reply to This ]
      good work once again. just a coule of suggestions. first, i would do away with the "but" in both lines. might help the flow a little. and second, grieves should be griefs.
    | Posted on 2004-02-04 00:00:00 | by love gone wrong | [ Reply to This ]
      Soulraven you are on a roll... why have you been holding back this talent? Now push it even further... and i only say that because its politically correct... and because i still feel like you arent writing to your full potential.... this is very nice, lil choppy flow but you cant always have smooth flow with out forced rhymes, and i love that this doesnt force anyything except the message upon the reader.... another well done
    | Posted on 2004-02-04 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]

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