Once again, i thought the rhyme scheme was very well written. I can understand how this is maddening. This is much like breaking your hand but still wanting to masturbate. I think this is about being wanted. You don't even care who it is but you just want them to want you so you feel well, wanted. Very well written my dear.
Powerful! Well written! You've penned one huge dilemma that may take some really difficult thought before it's labeled "in the past." There's some "madness" in all of us, but some are better at concealing theirs. Good luck! Sharon