Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bud Hawesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Spin
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 51/66/54
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 120
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1011



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBud Hawesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Oh lord what to do with this body thats broken.....

    If only I could feed myself
    dress myself
    bathe myself
    Look in the mirror and like myself
    But I see the same as the people unspoken
    the tattered remains of a body thats broken

    Sand snaps under wheels
    as the dim lantern dances and steals embarressed glances of my unwanted tango
    metal chariots glide like the sun
    On the long wooden tounge
    Of the ocean that roars down below me.

    The pull of the moon like a puppets lagoon
    Force the waves to crest like iced fire
    Come burn in the depths of the waiting caress
    Of the rebirth the ocean admires
    Electric movement I plunged and reached for the one who sat on this pier before me


    I took a deep breath and sank to the death
    of an unwanted body thats broken
    With my last breath
    my body went limp,
    The lord has finally spoken




    Submitted on 2007-09-23 11:14:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is very well done - it is without hope, seemingly, crying out from the soul and of something that has aged or the aging process and the decay of the body.

    I liked it.

    love,peace,joy,abundance & smiles to share
    tif ~*~
    | Posted on 2008-04-28 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    150043



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry