Another 2am Story by try

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Submission Name: Another 2am Story dots

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Author:	try_again
ASL Info:	17/female/Canada
Elite Ratio:	3.86 - 4/9/4
Words:	205

Class/Type:	Poetry/Friendship
Total Views:	109
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1286

Description:
This is, in all seriousness, the worst poem I have ever written. It's simply proof that structured poetry is not for me. God, it doesn't even make sense!
Here's the backstory, so that maybe you can try to understand:
My best friend is gay, but for some reason we tried to make a relationship happen between us. it didnt work, but i still love him and he claimed to still love me. I kept hoping that eventually it'd work, but it was just too obvious after a while that it's not going to happen, ever. we've been taking time apart to just try and deal with this separately and it's killing me. and of course, the person i always want to call to make me feel better is him. and ive realised if we cant be a couple, i dont care because i still really really need him as my best friend.

Another 2am Story dots

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Well, now we've fucked up, haven't we?
You should have told me sooner, and
I should have held my tongue, I know.
So who deserves the blame this time?
Amidst all the "I'm sorry"s and
"It's not your fault"s - no chemistry.
Was that within control or are we victims?
I'd like to think you'd love me if
You could, but I know otherwise.
So when will you succumb to change?
I know you'd kiss me- if you'd let
Yourself give in to straight desires.
(Is that another wrongful charge?)
In all of this I need to find
The fault that is my own to claim.
Was I to ambitious this time?
I thought I'd make you melt for me
Like other boys you told me of.
But did I fail 'cause we're best friends?
Or was it that you didn't want
To be with me for reasons that
We can't control: I'm not a boy?
Well either way, I miss you now
But not because I want you, no.
I need my best friend, can we restart?
I don't care that you're gay and I
Am sorry that I tried to change you.
Will you just please love me like you used to?

Submitted on 2007-09-23 14:19:05 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Well isn't apathy the new poetic vogue nowadays? I wonder why it is that you have these poetic inspirations so late at night, or so early in the morning. May it be that fatigue wearies you into honesty allowing you to face yourself a lot more than on a regular basis? Those are just the unanswerable questions I wonder about sometimes... I used to do that a lot myself.. it made it easier for me to admit my emotions sometimes, to write much cruder pieces than I could've ever written on a DAY basis. But that in itself is an egocentric mindset, and I shall cease my qualmness. You made one grammatical error that I can see: Verse 16 you wrote to ambitious which should be TOO ambitious (just to make the mistake obvious).

I actually like this piece, because unlike the other ones you are bold in your style, you're forgetting the fecundic limits of pleasing, formality, intimacy.. and so on.. To a certain extent, those things are acceptable, but once they throng up like angels for war, they can be one mighty force and the bane of beautiful poetry. Though like Aristotle may say, too much of anything that's good can have an adverse effect - though I truly think you've reached prime bluntness in this piece. You are here to say what you want to say HOW you want to say. You even let your ... linguistic side, to say, peer out with things like succumb - which could've easily been give in to. That goes against your belief of this piece being unworthy of appreciation, because really.. you are being all too poetic whilst holding a certain level of respectability; you aren't just ranting to rant. The questions you ask hold a sense that most people lack in times of despair, or to say lurid romantic contexts such as your own. I feel almost compelled to give you answers, though I know on the basis of our friendship it wouldn't be my place, and even if I were left the room to do such a thing.. I wouldn't be able to. I do find the last line the be quite ironic because the wording defeats the intention of the sentence. By love you, you mean in a platonic sense as friends, though maybe you yourself were giving in to your own personal desires in admitting that you just want his love. You know, one of my friend convinced me to not get married on the basis that marriage is a union, and so every day you spend with your.. special friend, you are married through the union of your love.. whether that be defined legally, materialistically, spiritually or not. I found it to be quite the romantic notion which is why I gave in to the logic myself. I don't know, maybe you should consider it.. in the midst of your yearning for this boy's friendship.

I wouldn't personally change this piece, because in its vice of emotion there is a chastity that you will never be able to emulate. But, that's just me.

Prom
| Posted on 2007-09-24 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with demension...i think because i read the description first the poem kinda lost it for me at the end. I think this would have been a good read with a suprise at the end..you start kinda thinking that its a love gone wrong b/c of usual male/female issues...in the end you find out its not the common issue so many relationships face..but i agree i should have read the poem first then the description..Kinda left me a lil disappointed, but that was at my own fault...keep up the good work.
| Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by anile2 | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm wishing that I read the piece before I read your description, but I hadn't.

It starts out beautifully and has a charm to it, but towards the end it starts becoming very blunt and it sorta lost its poetic appeal.

But from your disclaimer, I sorta expected it.

I guess I'll have fun reading your better stuff though :]
| Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]

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