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In my dark and dreary Childhood, that only Mr. Poe Could so explicitly portray I held on to the night And listened to what the walls Might say. It was not really the walls But the spirit between them And me, whom I knew to be My God, always there Though I could not see. And I would sleep and In the morning awaken To find that my prayers From the night before Had not been forsaken. But later in the day Demons would come to Torment my skin, rile Up my passions and Lead me to sin. I harbored bad thoughts And bad feelings And all that was bad Was within my heart; But in the end, my God Made known that such Things would only Keep us apart. Apart. The word echoed sullenly In my head. I went to sleep That night dreading the Walls around my bed. My God awakened me at An ungodly state of the night. He stirred me from sleep And quickly dampened My fright. I knelt in bed and Regarded the spirit Between the walls and me, For it was my God again Come to embrace me. |
You had an excellent beginning. You grabbed me straight into the poem and i could actually feel being absorbed from my computer screen straight into the scene of being in bed. I actually felt everything you described although the description was very vague. The ending is great too. The same was as the beginning. So you got an amazing beginning and an amazing ending. The only problem i had was your wording. I found it to be a bit too simple for your topic. I thought it would suit better if it had more descriptive words. Something that contained detail. But it's great just as it is. Overall nicely done. Cheers, Irina | Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ] | Wow. From a critical, more analytical point of view, I must say that the flow and rhyme of the first part does not match that of the later stanzas. Not in the way they are constructed, but in the quality. In other words, I really, really like the later two stanzas. The simplicity but meaningful "Apart." serves quite well. | On a personal note I feel a connection to this poem. The events and emotions you describe seem similar to what I have experienced, though only slightly different. Although it doesn't contain very descriptive devices, the first stanza paints a perfect picture in my head because I have often listened to the silence as well. The fourth stanza made me shiver >.> Overall it seemed to have a very nice circular motion. You paint a vivid picture throughout of one that is very scary, depressing, and dark, but you also show that there is light and happiness. I think this poem was inspired by more than your own experiences but from someone bigger. Thank you for the cheerful poem. Odd to call it that no? But it was. I love you, Andy | Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by Olah89 | [ Reply to This ] | |