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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: puredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vibrant
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 855/538/131
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1018
    Average Vote:    2.0000
    Bytes: 394



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspuredots
    -------------------------------------------


    lonely
    just plain lonely
    pictures have left me
    to be still

    openly
    my heart did spill
    funniness was not
    the thrill

    shylee
    leaking tender parts
    of my heart, yet
    holding on to
    happiness

    hoping
    each soul which
    departs, finds a
    place with
    pure golden lace




    Submitted on 2004-06-21 22:23:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Also, in another department I feel it is my duty to tell you in a world of crappy poem titles, your's rocks. A+ What a nice word. And it's hard to find words, just single words mind you that haven't been played out, but i don't know, maybe this one has too, either way it is fitting and I thought most appropriate. Thats why I read it in the first place.
    | Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem in my opinion has the potential to be something awesome, but it needs a serious tune up. To continue my car analogy, this is a classic car that has been abused and now drives very rough and goes clankity clank clank down the freeway. I suggest analyzing your flow pattern and rewriting trying to keep as much of what is there as possable, just smooth it out more.

    Definate potential.
    | Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]


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