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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Window Breakdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: the heartless
    ASL Info:    15/male/LA
    Elite Ratio:    3.46 - 24/68/43
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 99
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 995



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWindow Breakdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As the boy looks out the window, seeing his town, his life, his only rememberence of life. Bombs falling, the rain pooring down against the window. The streets filled with blood. As he stairs at the soldiers fighting and dieing, he sees the truth. He was never made, he was never alive, he was dead. Seeing planes pass his room, his room perched upon a clock tower, so that he may live next to time. Counting the seconds of his existence, but he never had a perpose, so he made his own. His perpose to cause war, to cause people to bleed on the inside. The fact he never existed, but was only a thought, an idea. He lived for what.... And as he sees the chaos upon his love. He lays a hand upon his love, but has he dose it shatters before him. And as the glass breaks, he sees it, he sees his life pass. And he walks out the window. He walks out into nothing, but a reclips of lives. And as he walks the glass breaks more and more, shattering before him. Let it all break, let the Window Break.




    Submitted on 2007-09-23 16:41:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      first off...you have done an excellent job of bringing your fears of war to the reader...I really can feel your sorrow and pain, about a war that seems hard for not only young minds to understand but all mankind....(maybe this wasnt the way ya meant it to be...but it it is my interpertation...)

    second of all.....it is kinda of hard to ignore some of the words misspelt...(not to be nit picky..lord knows I am the worst speller. perpose is purpose; remeberence is remberance; and last nit pick...pooring should be pouring) I sometimes find it a distraction to see words that I know are misspelt...and this is my advice only from personal exprience....I have a spell check program.....and a dictionary always ready and handy. These are excellent tools for any kind of writer..And I admit to putting them to very good use.

    My third comment....maybe try a different format...I think this has huge potential to be something great...make it less of a paragraph form and break up the sentences more into verses...you may not like how it looks that's fine too....it's your writing and it should be meant for how you want it to be. I think you have given this an honest shot and should really keep up writing!
    | Posted on 2007-09-23 00:00:00 | by anile2 | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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