[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Four Past Now My Brotherdots

    Author: Crestfallenman
    ASL Info:    24/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.45 - 621/961/451
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 592
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 929

       Don't care too much for comments, don't even know why I would expect them anyways...My brothers death date is today. Going on a big four years of the loss without him, and I'm still not really ready for my mothers loss and sisters that are coming shortly...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFour Past Now My Brotherdots

    Of the years we spent near each other,
    And the eyes that would watch me grow.
    Every waking moment was captured my brother,
    As I've locked them away in my head from the moment you had to go.

    Remembering the days before this vivid nightmare,
    The laughter, the holidays, the vacations, the love...
    Now an essence in my cruel and cold seasons of despair,
    As laments pour tears to who occupies the heavens above.

    Words of farewell left unspoken,
    Feelings left stale from lack of comfort.
    My heart frail and broken,
    As it fatigues from being this hurt...

    Oh brother! Trail in heaven without pain...
    As I suffer without you in this time I dwell...
    I cry to you in this state I remain so maimed...
    Please don't forget the times I have inside this hell...

    Love your brother...

    Submitted on 2007-09-24 05:46:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this because of its raw truth in feeling.
    I think you captured the reader with your sort of dark longing for your brother. I sometimes fid these types of writes following along the same lines and they become boring but I think you you allowed yourself to write sort of outside the box for a better lack of words.

    I cannot relate to losing a brother but I can relate to losing a father at an age when I needed him the most. 28 yrs have passed and I can tell you that I still think of him each day. I think it is good to hang onto those memories and also feel the pain through the years. It lets us know that we still care about life and that there still are things to live for.
    It sounds like you were close to him so I will end this with " best wishes to you"

    Nicely Done


    | Posted on 2007-09-28 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know. This just reminds me of how I feel remembering the deaths of my loved ones, it's not the same - it's years and I'd never even ponder "taking" or "easing" it from you, but it reminds - and so much of life is made of "how" we remember.

    Do you still wake up in terror?

    My best friend told me that it goes away, that he doesn't feel that terror anymore - but it's been eight years since his sister died.

    I still have that terror, you know what it is I am talking about? I'm sure you've had it - but you may not know it as ' that terror.'

    Talk to me sometime,
    I also fail to grieve and be at peace.
    I'm told it happens, that the guilt goes away.
    So, I'm told.

    | Posted on 2007-09-24 00:00:00 | by Mandolin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Dream written by closetpoet
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Carry written by saartha
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The World written by jjd
    Shi written by ShyOne




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]