Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Calm


Author: No Talent
ASL Info:    24/m/Ny
Elite Ratio:    4.12 - 263 /178 /31
Words: 265
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1375
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1645



Description:


wrote this awhile back something made me pick it up and finish it today.Judge it as u will


The Calm



Blind eyes that look back with a sense of sencerity....
but still deception lurks..
Beyond that lovers Glare...and that stare
I once trusted..from long ago
Beneath my surface dilluting what was once real
and thus confusing the love i once held for you...
Why..
Why do i continue follwing this lie
Me and you together? forever?
doubtful, too me, you
the whole world whose watched us and all we've been through
Why do i continue to lie to myself
torturing me from within you..
Love?
holds no possiblity for me
no promises of tomarrow, only my reality
How could i love you,evil self absorbred cold hearted, soul nothing but a void wraped in lies
Built to create the illusion that u were ever worth my time my effort
your nothing.. nothing but a dream.. a distant memory as i cease to believe
tell me you love me, that you cared for me
lies in a tightly woven package sent to me
with decit as it ribbon and infedility to its wrap
i have nothing in me left for you
no more broken heart strings
i've started to unwrap..
i'm done , finish, I dispise you you to the core
Forget calling you again
I'll never walk through that door.
i'll forget u ever existed and right the wrong u once rot
your nothing..
Nothing but a memory in those blind eyes that once
just once..
Looked back with a sense of sincerity
i'll find a new..
My own new..My love, my Heart
My Serenity...




Submitted on 2007-09-24 12:58:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Very nice,
This poem is written with raw emotion, I would be shocked if this is not written about a real situation that you went through because it feels so real.
It is one of those poems that as you read on you move faster and faster because you can almost imagine what the next line is going to say, not because it's unoriginal but because it's life.
Great write,
Spin
| Posted on 2007-09-26 00:00:00 | by Spin | [ Reply to This ]
  Now that was a good write. Definetly lets out the emotion of the hurt and pain. Something I can relate to.

tell me you love me, that you cared for me
lies in a tightly woven package sent to me
with decit as it ribbon and infedility to its wrap

I love that part, great use of words, perfectly written. So nifty.
Great write because it walks you right through the hurt, disbelief, and then to the strength to move on.
| Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by dreamer37517 | [ Reply to This ]
  <@> send you blessings 2 not refer 2 yourself as X talent...Your love and spirituality in "The Calm" of the Lord is cryptically, "Built to create the illusion that u were ever worth my time my effort
your nothing.. nothing but a dream.. a distant"...
And, that's where we ALL sMILE & BElive IN the dreams of our hearts divine

For sure, for sure

love,peace,joy&smiles 2 share
tif
| Posted on 2007-09-24 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  I, too, really liked your ending. Sometimes a person just has to pick up the pieces and move on. Too often, we want others to be our own ideal image of what we think they are, and we're too blind to see they never were what we'd thought or hoped. Your thoughts had a good progression in this write. If you are interested in catching the misspellings, spell checking would give you a little help. Do keep writing! :-) Sharon
| Posted on 2007-09-24 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
  i'll find a new..
My own new..My love, my Heart
My Serenity...

Heyas lol I dunno this poem did something to me. It's like I felt your past pain and emotions... I dunno >.<; Anywho, any way I look at it, 'm gonna have a biased opinion <.< lol I love your last three lines though - They give the poem - previously filled with doubt and hopelessness - a sense of new hope and love, like you're searching, and you know you'll find it. To me, it's like saying you're not gonna give up and that you still have hope even after all you've been through. And that's the best attitude to ever have Overall, it's a well-written poem with a wonderful message~

-Sere <3
| Posted on 2007-09-24 00:00:00 | by Lil Sere | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



150106