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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ???waitress at the bar???dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rastas edible
    ASL Info:    32/m/canada
    Elite Ratio:    2.63 - 10/10/7
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 91
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 914



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots???waitress at the bar???dots
    -------------------------------------------


    i can't even sleep without that smile invading my dreams like a freudian cheshire surety

    there...for real and for true and touched with the biggest brown eyes and slickest of words and barest of shoulders to rival the earth's curvature and beyond...

    the breath of the horizon right here and now sharing my ashtray and my thoughts and my drunken illegitimate platitudes

    she says "you're drunk...but right" and i forget what we were talking about...her cat? her job? her boyfriend? i forget so solidly it becomes a physical pain to remember. whatever....i was right.

    "i'll be back, okay?" she hushes in a low smooth voice that convinces me she will be. I don't stare at her ass as she leaves to check on her other customers...instead i discover that my boots have suddenly become very, very interesting...




    Submitted on 2007-09-24 17:02:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Refreshingly different...and that's no pun on the drunken refreshments! Your ending made me long for more of the story. I'm saying that in a positive way because I was eager for more rather than bored and glad the tale had ended. Well done, Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      "like a freudian cheshire surety", thats a great line
    i really like your style, it's almost prose, but not quite
    and this was interesting, it like shows you the inside of someone's mind for a few minutes, it's a cool technique
    | Posted on 2007-09-24 00:00:00 | by SYnesthesiA_WaR | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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