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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Complexitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: awastedsky
    Elite Ratio:    5.51 - 103/119/79
    Words: 303
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 162
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2118



    Description:
       My first attempt at writing a sestina!

    1. insanity
    2. fatality
    3. simplicity
    4. humanity
    5. brutality
    6. toxicity

    Azuire inspired me to write this, as she is simply wonderful at sestinas. Sometimes I suppose I think it seems a little forced, but I guess I liked how it turned out overall. Questions/comments/thoughts/concerns?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsComplexitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Oh, those engines begin to rev and drive us to insanity
    And we mourn for the dead; the most tender fatality
    It's a world of patterns; a world of simplicity
    When we desire the easiest path of humanity
    And stop only to vicariously live through translated brutality
    Take a sip and burn, and you'll relish the toxicity

    Translucent and jejune hearts only warmed by the toxicity
    But poison, we know, takes us only to insanity
    And psychosis loses us control of our most instinctive brutality
    The death of others brings our own fatality
    Is this what is best for humanity?
    Life and death are just simplicity.

    Childhood stories long to bring us simplicity
    But later, stomachs are turned by the toxicity
    Of lies so easily spread by humanity
    We can't even stop at insanity!
    And thus, we reach our sweet fatality
    Brought along by a rush to brutality.

    Life before love contains only brutality
    And sometimes the most difficult way is simplicity
    Because when it comes between breath and fatality
    Many of us desire the definite toxicity
    As it's preferable to tortured insanity
    Has anyone considered what's best for humanity?

    Please, take a moment to care for humanity
    Drop your harsh words and weapons; forget brutality
    This animalistic senselessness is just insanity!
    Maybe true simplicity
    Would forgo all toxicity
    And take a moment to care about the smallest fatality.

    So often forgotten, the displaced fatality
    But is it not the obligation of humanity
    To end the cold toxicity
    And unloving brutality
    In search for the gift of simplicity;
    To steer us directly away from insanity?

    When your words drip with toxicity, you'll bring about fatality
    And send straight to insanity the whole of humanity.
    Instead, reign in brutality, because complexity of thought may bring the deepest simplicity.




    Submitted on 2007-09-24 21:23:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm honoured...honestly! (: You did a better job than I did on my first try anyhow. I like your word choice of "-ity", because it sets up a rhyme, with a certain ringing quality to it, and yet both you and I have ignored what little metre rules this particular form of poetry has. Anyway well done There's a certain magic to be found in the sestina.

    Oh, those engines begin to rev and drive us to insanity
    And we mourn for the dead; the most tender fatality
    It's a world of patterns; a world of simplicity
    When we desire the easiest path of humanity
    And stop only to vicariously live through translated brutality
    Take a sip and burn, and you'll relish the toxicity


    The word choice is most fascinating, the not so common metaphor of starting a poem with a revving engine, like a car, then you go on "mourn for the dead", and so I see it in an accident, then in comes the "translated brutality", and "take a sip and burn". Yes the first stanza is very much like a car accident. There's one or two adjustments to metre but since I ignore it as well I'm not one to complain ;).

    Translucent and jejune hearts only warmed by the toxicity
    But poison, we know, takes us only to insanity
    And psychosis loses us control of our most instinctive brutality
    The death of others brings our own fatality
    Is this what is best for humanity?
    Life and death are just simplicity.


    The last line is gobsmacking! How simple and yet brilliant at the same time. I don't very much understand this stanza in relation to the first, but I'm just enjoying its flow of words anyhow. I like the psychosis line, it just came out of nowhere.

    Childhood stories long to bring us simplicity
    But later, stomachs are turned by the toxicity
    Of lies so easily spread by humanity
    We can't even stop at insanity!
    And thus, we reach our sweet fatality
    Brought along by a rush to brutality.


    I would suggest maybe you could have used "velocity" somewhere, because this one seems to be speeding up so much, even with the stomach lines th word "acidity" instantly comes to mind, oh the lovely spillover effect of all the "-ity" words. Nicely chosen.
    we can't even stop at insanity! No, we can't.

    Life before love contains only brutality
    And sometimes the most difficult way is simplicity
    Because when it comes between breath and fatality
    Many of us desire the definite toxicity
    As it's preferable to tortured insanity
    Has anyone considered what's best for humanity?


    Again, the last line is cool. A close second is the second line, they're bare truths and yet glaring from the poem as though "Look, this is how simple it is, deal with it."

    Please, take a moment to care for humanity
    Drop your harsh words and weapons; forget brutality
    This animalistic senselessness is just insanity!
    Maybe true simplicity
    Would forgo all toxicity
    And take a moment to care about the smallest fatality.


    Favourite stanza! :D

    So often forgotten, the displaced fatality
    But is it not the obligation of humanity
    To end the cold toxicity
    And unloving brutality
    In search for the gift of simplicity;
    To steer us directly away from insanity?

    When your words drip with toxicity, you'll bring about fatality
    And send straight to insanity the whole of humanity.
    Instead, reign in brutality, because complexity of thought may bring the deepest simplicity.


    Ahhh, the closing statements. Strangely done, but I still liked the way the words seemed to flow together in a good sense of closure, wrapping up the entirety of a normally long and disjointed poetic form into something the reader can actually relish reading and not attempting to understand, because it requires no understanding. Well done, really. Favourite! :D

    Cheers, keep writing!
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]


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