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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: “P” As In Pornstardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: screamALEX
    ASL Info:    19/M/PA
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 40/93/49
    Words: 281
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 1578
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1767



    Description:
       Revised. The porn was used as a metaphor. So no, I've never dated a pornstar before.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots“P” As In Pornstardots
    -------------------------------------------


    “P” As In Pornstar

    I’m watching you through this glass screen,
    and it kills me,
    to see you on your hands and knees.
    I can’t get these images out of my head,
    makes me sick seeing you,
    feet in the air,
    legs spread.

    I wish that I could just…
    cause there’s so much that I just…

    There’s so much I want to say to you,
    but the more I watch,
    the harder it gets,
    and the longer I wait,
    the less of you there’s left…
    So what do you say honey,
    what would you say to this?
    What would you say,
    to leaving behind all this?

    Tell me what happened,
    to the girl who had me at my knees,
    walked down sidewalks,
    as if she owned the streets.
    The girl who had dreams knocking on her door,
    dreams that didn’t entail lying face down,
    ass up,
    on cold basement floors.

    I wish that I could just…
    cause there’s so much that I just…

    There’s so much I want to say to you,
    but the more I watch,
    the harder it gets,
    and the longer I wait,
    the less of you there’s left…
    So what do you say honey,
    what would you say to this?
    What would you say,
    to leaving behind all this?

    So run with me,
    and know that it’s okay,
    you’re only human,
    we all make mistakes.
    Don’t let your past,
    outrun your dreams,
    and don’t let your hopes,
    drown in misery.

    I wish that you could just…

    see how this kills me inside,

    cause there’s so much that just...

    won’t heal with time.





    Submitted on 2007-09-24 22:09:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      that was such an emotional piece of work. your style of writing is somewhat simple but very powerful at the same time? Quite alot of the time you have poets writing pieces of work with very complex vocabulary and hard to understand terms but I thoroughly enjoyed this piece because when i read it I was able to understand exactly what was going on, but at the same time I could hear and actually feel the emotion just as though you were speaking it. Excel ;)

    Antoinette
    | Posted on 2009-02-11 00:00:00 | by freak_like_me | [ Reply to This ]
      yikes! ive never dated a pornstar but knew a few. i know that i wouldnt feel comfortable being with someone who has sex for a living. not that im against it or anything but just me personally i dont like to share. i wonder if this was written as a true tale. anyway i enjoyed it.
    6
    | Posted on 2007-09-30 00:00:00 | by fryte | [ Reply to This ]
      brilliant.

    I love how you subtley changed certain lines in here, just to give it more meaning in the end.

    I'm not quite too sure why I enjoyed this piece so much...being as it tells the sad story of not only a lost girl, but a lost lover whose seen the girl he loves transformed into an object.

    Clear imagery and emotions in this piece. It was beautiful.

    -Mika-
    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by redskye | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow,this is really good!

    It has an awesome title by the way.
    It just kinda caught my eyes,see?? lol

    First off,I want to say how much I adore the flow in this piece!I find how amazing how the words here just roll together;just rool off of the tip of the toungue.The chourus parts (I guess) kinda throw it off though,but that's just your style,huh?

    "Tell me what happened,
    to the girl who had me at my knees,
    walked down sidewalks,
    as if she owned the streets.
    The girl who had dreams knocking on her door,
    dreams that didn’t entail lying face down,
    ass up,
    on cold basement floors."

    My favourite part!! Yea,I just love this stanza so much.Don't really know why.I just do.I guess it's cause I seem to sense the most emotion there... *shrugs shoulders*

    Another great little part you threw in there :
    "Don’t let your past,
    outrun your dreams,
    and don’t let your hopes,
    drown in misery."

    Very inspirational to me.Kinda ties very well with that other stanza I pointed out.

    "I wish that you could just…
    see how this kills me inside,
    cause there’s so much that just,
    won’t heal with time."

    On this last part,I do believ that it would help to remove the dots (forgot what they were called... >,< ). Kinda kills the flow to me,but I do see why you put them in there.Or at least I think I do. O.o

    Another bit about that last part,it's good stuff.

    ::

    <2222 Lindel

    | Posted on 2007-09-24 00:00:00 | by LRRolins | [ Reply to This ]
      but the more I watch,
    the harder it gets


    I like how that can be taken one of two ways. I'm sure you did that on purpose, but if you didn't, that just shows you're an underlying genius.



    And I really don't agree with you, by the way. Some people DO want to be porn stars. It's what they want sometimes. And that's cool too.



    Unless this is about someone you know. And if that's the case, that's different. She obviously had dreams and doesn't anymore. And decided all she could do was be a porn star, from what I'm reading. If that's not the message, I'm sorry, I totally missed it.



    The way you write it, I get the feeling it's a song. I mean, the repeating of the stanzas doesn't really make sense to me. I repeat words in my stanza's, but there's a reason, sometimes to make the words actually hit home. Or maybe to make the person read faster, as the usual feeling is when you read the same thing over and over, it instills feeling. But repeating the stanzas you repeat, it kind of slows the poem down. I see this being a faster piece.



    Take or leave my comments, they're what I have for you. You don't have to take them to heart.



    I thought it was well written, and completely original and creative. That line will always stay with me.

    but the more I watch,
    the harder it gets


    Well thought out...or not thought out. Either way, awesome.
    This was original. It was modern poetry and I'm not used to seeing that. But you accomplished it well, it had nice rhythm without rhyming.
    | Posted on 2007-09-24 00:00:00 | by Secrets Unheard | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    150140

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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