Description: A short little poem I wrote while back in Apirl (4/18/07).Just found it and I felt like posting it.If you're reading this,please check out my other writings and journals.Elite Skills feedback so sucks lately....
Collapse and Boil -------------------------------------------
that there's nothing here.
Bring the axe down,
sever me from this place.
Buried,stoned to the ground,
I'm screaming invisbile without a trace,
Bleeding my soul into the soil,
bring the water to a cleansing boil.
I want to be clean!
The collaspe of my soul,
so little it seems.
This seems like a desperate cry for help. I guess that most of us have felt this way in our lives.
I did like the ending I feel that is the part that stands out because as strong your lexis appears to be the whole piece based solely upon venting. I also thought that the piece itself was rather austere except for the final part.
That's about it. Hope you don't think I'm being haughty. That's was merely my opinion. Feel free to cast it aside if you want too.
Clear, concise. Rises to a climax and drops again, much like the feelings I got from the story.
This drew a picture of being trapped at the bottom of a very large pit and being sequestered there for eternity, but being able to see the sky from the opening above. Yearning for a rope, or something to pull out of the hole.
Very quick and to the point. Simple yet effective. Thanks!