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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Circlesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MC white
    ASL Info:    20/Male/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 71/73/45
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 862
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 757



    Description:
       bah. humbug


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCirclesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My head spins slowly
    and I dont feel sick
    just dont feel like standing or talkin to quick

    Its my fav'rite release
    this slow burning buzz
    makes my weekends go fast when my weeks been too rough

    it makes up for it
    least I think that it does
    this concoction of smoking and drinking and drugs

    and the parties where
    nobody knows me or my face
    and how it seems like my memories leave me for days

    but only the good ones
    the remorse seems to stay
    its dulled but it sits on my shoulder's at bay

    and quietly whispers
    that it'll just go away
    if I keep spinning in circles for just one more day.




    Submitted on 2007-09-24 22:27:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      not, bad. It's alittle choppy, to me in a few areas but the drinking and drugs part is pretty nice. I think the fourth stanza is a little off to me. it seems to take away from the peice, plus the third line doesn't seem to quite fit in to that space.
    | Posted on 2007-10-15 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      This has a real easy flow to it, comes quickly off my mind's tongue. It feels relaxed, peaceful, which is what I believe you were going for. I like how it's restful, but still mindful of the real world--the narrator is aware of both peace and life's struggles. Nice job.

    My favorite lines:
    but only the good ones
    the remorse seems to stay
    its dulled but it sits on my shoulder's at bay


    {Kate}
    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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