[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Slidedots

    Author: MC white
    ASL Info:    20/Male/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 71/73/45
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Prose/Passion
    Total Views: 1056
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 520


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I love when we both give up.
    When we forget how awkward it'll be the day after, or the hour after, or the minute after.
    Where we throw ourselves down a hill, tumbling, exhilarated.
    As buttons are fumbled, and gaspingly unclasped and pants slid down.
    Socks are thrown away and smooth, once hidden skin is revealed and caressed in the same moment.
    Patterns are traced as fingers explore, we catch each other's eye and ironically blush at the intimacy that lies in each stare.

    Submitted on 2007-09-24 23:10:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i love this peice. im assuming its about sex, not so much child things? lol. it is kinda like the morning after how a one night stand is so awkward.. especially the whole redressing thing. and how intimate you were. i think you really caught the moment in this peice.

    keep it up :)
    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by unnatainable | [ Reply to This ]
      one thing that stood out to me was

    "As buttons are fumbled, and gaspingly unclasped and pants slid down."

    it goes from present "as the buttons are fumbled, and gaspingly unclasped" then it hinges and goes to past "and pants slid down" and i feel as though it should be present tense "while pants slide down" just food for thought
    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by strokes | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww, this makes the morning. I love pieces that talk about being children, or at least doing childlike things. I like it especially that you're giving up being adult like just to feel the simple pleasures of being a kid. But it's rather short is my only sort of critisim.
    | Posted on 2007-09-25 00:00:00 | by ollie_wicked | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]