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    dots Submission Name: a night of dreamsdots

    Author: locutus
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 29/34/35
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 748
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 554

       i miss everything.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa night of dreamsdots

    the man sinned,
    the man cried.
    the man rejoiced,
    he broke the law.
    they took a handful of jewels
    as collateral.
    wished them away in an instant,
    all but one shines.
    not seen but most certainly felt,
    daggers surround him,
    he cannot be touched.
    what pity! men replied,
    unheard of pain,
    that is what his family indulges upon.
    melting away in the devils saliva,
    all i see is glares.
    so tonight i sleep,
    may the lord let me take you.

    Submitted on 2007-09-25 20:55:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Such an overwelming write of sadness. Honestly though one little exercise that I would request from a poem such as yours, and I love it and all dearly, I just wish that there was more imformation of what this write was trying to get at.

    I will say, correct me if I am wrong, I see a person that is alone and he is being turned on, rejected, and deprived of love and support of what a family could be giving him.

    Now once again I could be wrong, and I think I am, but I want to know again what this write is about. Get back to me on this.
    | Posted on 2009-06-30 00:00:00 | by Crestfallenman | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't quite figure out what this is about. And yes like 'sere' said, it is very intriguing, and kind of sad and vacant almost.

    Well done
    | Posted on 2007-09-28 00:00:00 | by bas | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmmm this write intrigues me muchly. I don't know how to explain it, but it gives such a sense of sadness and loneliness... Well-written, keep on posting.

    | Posted on 2007-09-27 00:00:00 | by Lil Sere | [ Reply to This ]
      this is interesting, and nicely done
    venomous and hard, like sizzling oil or the sharpest of blades
    | Posted on 2007-09-26 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]

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