Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Element Pt.2dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: awastedsky
    ASL Info:    22/f/AZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.1 - 116/151/98
    Words: 321
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 803
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2045



    Description:
       I want to make this better. It's the second part to the poem I wrote two years ago. I like it. The first half of this part was composed on 5/26/2007, and the second half finished 9/26/2007. I just picked up where I left off.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsElement Pt.2dots
    -------------------------------------------


    what i've presented to you.
    for me? a present?
    yes, specially wrapped with love and care
    and fear and happiness and other stuff that was on my mind at the time
    probably because of you
    i am so jaded
    - ? -

    earth.
    logic and reason
    these things i willed myself to have
    i probably lied a lot, too
    but so did everyone else.
    and i guess that's my justification for digging my own earthy-covered grave
    but becoming hesitant to lie in it
    i'd rather just burn my secrets.

    fire.
    passion and instinct
    such a pretty way to fall to ashes
    and who doesn't want to go out like a light?
    it's probably unfair that we can't have what we desire
    even in death.
    i used to love to sing a lot
    but my voice was buried in smoke and chains
    because i wanted to become what i wanted to be
    and my throat was then parched and dry.

    water.
    purity and healing
    maybe things i'd like to achieve, in time, somehow, tomorrow or the next day...
    but i'd rather keep going like i'm going now.
    born, catharsis, never lived up to my name
    and i made my own immune system weak with my behaviors.
    beautiful? possibly. but only underwater
    and now it's time to surface and begin to breathe.

    air.
    intellect and energy
    things i want, so why doesn't anyone else give a fuck about them?
    i'm just tired of exhaustion, and not being able to think straight.
    what good is intelligence when it becomes an insult?
    but i promise i am a relativist.
    so i'll stifle my next yawn
    and puke out a term paper
    and maybe then life will begin to ease up.

    everything is just a part of a whole
    and most things add up to two.
    the elements speak a damn world about me
    and what do they say about you?




    Submitted on 2007-09-26 03:19:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Merry Meet Awastedsky.

    Long time no type. This poem is awesome. I have a poem that is totally similar to this. I like it alot. I like how after you say what the element is and what it represents you write how it is needed within you. Or even how you havetwisted it within you. It's excellent!
    Blessed Be
    Andie
    | Posted on 2008-05-06 00:00:00 | by magickandie | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This was...very..for lack of a better word, intense.

    Makes me want to sit and write out what the elements would say about me!

    As for it being a part two, i don't know. It seems so very different from 'Element' which to me was a writing poem that i fully relate to. (damn you writers block >.<) Of course that could be due to the time lapse between this and the other. Either way i liked how it was (again, this is how i percieved it) sort of a mix of poem, prose, and internal conversation. That's how i read it in my mind, as spoken word.

    It was beautifully written. the emotion is clear and strong. If you don't mind i'm going to write out what the elements say about me in this format, i'll put it in my journal if it may interest you.
    I enjoyed this very much.

    Very good write ('Element' as well),
    Misty
    | Posted on 2007-09-26 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    150216

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    This written by Chelebel
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Giving written by jjd
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Push written by JanePlane

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry