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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Days of Winterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: manwithnoname
    ASL Info:    18/M/Ontario
    Elite Ratio:    5.84 - 314/278/117
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1008
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 539



    Description:
       Just popped into my head this morning as I felt the cold Fall air.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDays of Winterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There are days coming
    When the sun will not shine for me
    When this vibrant jungle will give way
    To a barren wasteland

    Hear the cries of the mountain wolf...

    There are days coming
    When I will get lost
    In the white miasma
    When many will fall
    Into the cold sleep

    See them laying frozen, trapped in time...

    There are days coming
    Which I wish would never come at all

    There are days coming
    Days of winter...




    Submitted on 2007-09-27 07:34:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hm, interesting write, beautiful in and of its own... although, I don't agree. The winter is not a wasteland but a bed to rest in, hence the blanket of snow. It is a time to sleep, because the Spring and the Summer are times to grow and to learn... everything needs rest before it grows, before it learns.
    Cold, I have arthritis everywhere and it hurts me badly... but so beautiful is this "wasteland" that I could never dislike it, or be weary of its coming. And the Sun shines brighter for it sparkles on the snow in this time. Places of winter are Sun's favorite because he too can rest there, and drink up the snow.
    If Winter never came, which you wish it wouldn't, I really think I would die of sorrow. I love every season for its own beauty. And I don't think these things come from my imagination, which is why I so strongly disagree... they really come from an empathy for life.
    If I were to let my own pain be my judge of seasons, of places... I would miss out on so much beauty. The hard sting of cold goes deep into my bones, but the soft beauty of Winter goes deep into my heart and so it's worth it... very, very worth it.
    ~sam~
    | Posted on 2007-10-15 00:00:00 | by alittlebithippy | [ Reply to This ]
      Allos,

    I love the imagery in this poem Makes me think of the coming winter, but with more excitement and eagerness lol I love the winter, just means more snow! And like Azuire said, I live in the hot, humid climates too, so I guess that's why I'm so thrilled about the cooler weather =P

    I love the way you put such a vivid picture in the reader's mind of how winter is like in your own eyes. It lets people use their imagination Thanks for the post, keep on writing

    -Sere
    | Posted on 2007-09-27 00:00:00 | by Lil Sere | [ Reply to This ]
      Allright. I like the edit better, it seems more reflective of the wintry season, with mountains and "white miasma", as well as less repetition now, one can focus on the real piece instead of "days are coming"

    When many will fall
    Into the cold sleep

    See them laying frozen, trapped in time...
    I like this part.

    Well done (:

    Cheers
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2007-09-27 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]
      -mutters- What's it with you and winter? Ahh, kidding. I understand not everyone is as obsessed with the season as I am, probably because I've been stuck in hot, humid tropical countries for the best part of my conscious life. I suppose if they were cold instead I'd be wanting summer, eh?

    There are days coming
    When the sun will not shine for me


    I appreciate the repetition of "there are days coming", I use it pretty often myself, however I'm a proponent of psuedo-repetition, as I find that the same phrase when repeated far too often detracts from the piece rather than enhancing it.

    When this vibrant jungle will give way
    To a barren wasteland


    For the rest of it, however, I would recommend you beef it up nicely with synonyms, and perhaps a rhyme. Seeing as the irregular stanza length I wouldn't suggest strict schemes, perhaps you'd try an irregular one as well, I don't have an example on hand at the moment.

    There are days coming
    Days of winter...


    Cheers
    Azuire
    | Posted on 2007-09-27 00:00:00 | by Azuire | [ Reply to This ]


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