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Under The Moon

Author: Algol46
ASL Info:    200/m/East of Eden
Elite Ratio:    2.72 - 1111 /1235 /613
Words: 171
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1363
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1040


Under The Moon

Spell of the moonlight, come with my calling,
Come with the twilight, the dusk and the night,
Give me your gems, my lover is stalling
And give me the power as is my right.

Her love is fickle, under the awning,
She pouts and she scowls in the predawn air,
Now with your spells a new day is dawning,
I know she’ll let fall her glorious hair!

Ah, give me moonspells, so ripe for fooling
Coy lovers faithless who love only pearls,
Give me spells that I well may be dueling
With all of these feckless, pretty young girls.

Star streams anoint me, red Mars is waxing
Like some titan bird that soars on wide wings,
Let not my lovers be fickle, taxing,
Let me enchant them till each of them sings!

But dark goes the night sky, under the Moon,
And my lips move not, and nothing is said,
Only the cry of the last lonely loon
Marks that these moonspells have vanished and fled.

Submitted on 2007-09-27 10:12:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Just caught the ten-syllable restriction on the lines. Wonderful job. You made it work without making it feel forced, and that's impressive in and of itself!
| Posted on 2007-09-28 00:00:00 | by lesser_threat | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, that was amazing! You make use of a Middle English-eqsue style very well. Beautiful use of the language.

Nice rhyme, the only place it feels a little forced is in the fourth stanza--I don't know why, but the line leading up to 'sings' feels a bit odd to me in the scheme of the poem.

Awesome job, I had fun reading this!
| Posted on 2007-09-28 00:00:00 | by lesser_threat | [ Reply to This ]
  this is amazing.
i really love this piece.
i'm adding to my fav. list.
i'm so happy i read this.
i really love all the fantasy and i really needed that.
i always try to write about the sky and whatnot as much as possible.
sometimes it's really hard to come out, and you did a beautiful job doing that.
sorry so short.

| Posted on 2007-09-27 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
  amazingly nice. poe
| Posted on 2007-09-27 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]

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