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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Can you wait?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vedanta19
    Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 492/502/133
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 153
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 980



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCan you wait?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can you wait? dearest you,
    Can you stay a little longer?! she begged,
    ..for it's not enough;

    These lonely nights, more longer days,
    Swaying on dreams impossible, my first love -
    laughter, unreality,
    too much unpracticality;

    A willow in woods, a sparkle in dark night,
    Can you remain?
    she urged..can you?
    a little longer;

    When breath leaves soul,
    Can you hold me?
    till the very last moment?

    And dearest loved one,
    can you manage me?
    Can you love me?
    ..till the very end?!

    Can you, dear one
    stay with me?
    and hold me all nights?
    for
    love has forsaken me!
    Always,
    i may be not worth it,
    or
    too dreamy..in love impossible;

    Can you closest to soul,
    stay?
    ...a little longer?
    till breath leaves soul?!





    Submitted on 2007-09-27 15:15:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is lovely, Vedanta, with haunting overtones! It speaks volumes about that sad, hoped to be prolonged, moment of parting, and the sadness and loneliness that follow the exit of a loved one!
    | Posted on 2007-09-28 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      This lonely nights, more longer days,
    Swaying on dreams impossible, my first love-
    laughter, unreality,
    too much of unpracticality,

    My favorite line, mostly because of the cool rhyme at the end. The last line might work better, though, if you take out 'of'. Also, should 'this' at the beginning of the stanza be 'these'? Sorry to pick... :P

    I loved the fragmented way this reads, it adds to the feeling of desperation.
    | Posted on 2007-09-28 00:00:00 | by lesser_threat | [ Reply to This ]
      Can you wait? dearest you,
    Can you stay a little longer?! she begged,
    ..for it's not enough,

    This kind of reminds me of myself...in long ago, more innocent days...when i would have given anything for a few more moments alone with that one fellow that I loved.

    Marvelous!
    | Posted on 2007-09-27 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]



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