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    dots Submission Name: We're Alivedots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 521
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 831

       To my cousin Jessie...Let's live in the moment, yo!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWe're Alivedots

    Let's go play among the clovers
    Spend the night beneath the stars
    We'll revel in the beauty of the moment
    Forget who we really are

    Let's go swimming in the lake
    We'll go lay on the dock
    We can play on the swings
    And hide amongst the rocks

    Let's fly down the road
    With the wind tangling our hair
    We'll sing at the top of our lungs
    In the cool night air

    Let's stop to get a snack
    Then dance to our heart's content
    Who cares if no one understands?
    It was all time well spent

    Let's remember that we're alive
    And let's laugh till we can no longer breathe
    We can make our joy live on forever
    As long as we believe...

    Submitted on 2007-09-27 20:00:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this one. I like the idea conveyed here and the different examples of escaping to live. One of the reasons i like this is because it can be about friends, not just a romantic person. It seems that most people write about lovers but i think friends are more important. But good write.
    | Posted on 2007-10-30 00:00:00 | by ollie_wicked | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah sweet, nice, honest. I liked it. It does make me feel jealous though.... I wich I could do all the things you mention .... many times have I pondered over the same matter and every so often feel overly frustrated for not being able to do the things I like and spend time with the people that mean the world to me. I guess that life is rather unfair, is it not?

    On a different account, I do have a couple of suggestions. The first one is to add some punctuation and the second is to have a look at the last two lines which sort of hinder the rhythm of the piece. The words that you use there do not flow well thus should be either replaced or the lines themselves should undergo some brushing up; in my opinion ... you call though....

    Certainly an inspirational write,

    Best wishes,


    | Posted on 2007-10-14 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      Give in to the moments that bring on simple joys and require nothing of us but to join in the reverie. I like the idea of this one Raivn.
    | Posted on 2007-10-06 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
    i like this one, im sure jesse will too
    | Posted on 2007-09-28 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]

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