Knock… Knock… You’re a Dumbass! by hatredsmuse

     The following is a group of true stories that I have compiled in an effort to, once and for all, prove that humanity is in a downward spiral. Imagine that world-wide intelligence got pushed off a cliff, hit every “stupid” rock on the way down, and then landed in a pile of “dumbass”. People disgust me sometimes, and the flagrant lack of common sense feels like a punch to my gut. PEOPLE! I implore you; let me do the thinking for you from now on! It has become blatantly apparent that you are no longer capable of the task. Read on… if you can.

CASE #1:

     J.D. and his parents filed a lawsuit against some county officials in California for at least $700,000. The lawsuit was for J.D.’s total disability that resulted from a car crash. J.D. and some friends had been out drinking. Good ol’ J.D. was seated in the back of the car, and had stuck his head out of the window to vomit just as the driver veered off of the road, ramming J.D.’s head into a tree.

((Ouch.))

     ((Hold onto your panties, ‘cause here’s the kicker…)) The lawsuit claimed that it was the county’s fault that the tree was so close to the road.

((Wow. What the fuck?! Seriously! What the fuck, people?! If there was such a thing as “partial-adult abortion”, I would totally do that to J.D. and his stellar parents.))

CASE #2:

     Burglary suspect, W.S., 57, said that he was temporarily insane when he allegedly robbed a home in West Palm Beach, Florida, because he had just eaten too much cotton candy.

     ((Now that’s just fucking hilarious.))

CASE #3:

     In Santa Fe, New Mexico, a former teacher, R.K., said that his relationship with a 14-year-old female student was justified because it dated back to their past lives in Tibet more than 1000 years ago, when she saved his life by taking an arrow meant for him; consequently, he had to repay the debt of love.

     ((I’ve got to give this guy credit; that’s pretty damn imaginative for a pedophile. May he burn in hell.))

CASE #4:

     ((This is my all-time favorite case.)) A woman in Memphis filed suit against a small mom-and-pop pharmacy because she purchased a tube of contraceptive jelly, spread it on a piece of toast, and ate it. She then had unprotected sex, believing that she was safe, and became pregnant.

     ((I have to pause here… and laugh my ass off for a few minutes. Feel free to join me.))

     ((Okay… get a grip.)) Despite the fact that the contraceptive came with instructions, the woman said that the pharmacist should have put a specific warning on the box not to eat it. “Who has time to sit around reading directions these days, especially when you’re sexually aroused?”

     ((Touché, dumbass.))

     And so completes our little trip down imbecile lane. I hope you enjoyed the ride.