Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Disease of the Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: concrete_rose
    ASL Info:    31/f/nc
    Elite Ratio:    2.59 - 43/52/34
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 918
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 941



    Description:
       This is describing when sometimes we feel like the mind is controlling us or closing in. The 'mother' in the writing is representing the mind because it is of stature.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDisease of the Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    That sense of disease is spreading again, dripping slowly from the faucets of vitality, oozing diligent over melting surfaces, resembling worms eating at apples.

    That disease which is fault in the mind, oh that mother of deciet and maker of the vines; which snarl around this testtube of a cranium, how easily she makes us slip the divine.

    But across the ragged shores of time, she speaks outwardly abiding no hesitation to crime; Her appearance is lost in a wave, a grain of sand...

    She calls to us luring us deep into her subconcious, oh ode to those amorous actions kept secretly seductive; that seductive poison she lets leak stirring us mad, into our own little cauldruns, boiling us mad.

    To shake and somehow break those bounds instilled causing an earthly early death, making us wish for the last breath-

    Mother, the mind, I bequeath thee set us free.




    Submitted on 2007-09-27 22:36:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Great ! .... i really do love the Imagery in this poem ... the 1st stanza is my fav part was


    ...oozing diligent over melting surfaces, resembling worms eating at apples.


    now that is poetry... its so clear and viviD
    like seeing threw running water ...i put this on my fav list ... good write ...

    bloodstone
    | Posted on 2009-08-13 00:00:00 | by Bloodstone | [ Reply to This ]
      i get what this is about, but then again i don't. the way that it is worded didn't really make sense to me. it seemed like a bunch of imcomplete words forming an incomplete thought, like: "that seductive poison she lets leak stirring us mad, into our own little cauldruns, boiling us mad." what does that really mean? it doesn't really make sense the way that it is worded. and the metaphors that are used are kind of weak and cliché. "testtube of a cranium" and "worms eating at apples" just seem kind of corny and take away from the seriousness of the whole piece. i don't know, it just didn't do anything for me.
    | Posted on 2007-09-28 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    150306

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Incubus written by monad
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    To written by SavedDragon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Giving written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry