Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Disease of the Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: concrete_rose
    ASL Info:    31/f/nc
    Elite Ratio:    2.59 - 43/51/34
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 882
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 941



    Description:
       This is describing when sometimes we feel like the mind is controlling us or closing in. The 'mother' in the writing is representing the mind because it is of stature.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDisease of the Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    That sense of disease is spreading again, dripping slowly from the faucets of vitality, oozing diligent over melting surfaces, resembling worms eating at apples.

    That disease which is fault in the mind, oh that mother of deciet and maker of the vines; which snarl around this testtube of a cranium, how easily she makes us slip the divine.

    But across the ragged shores of time, she speaks outwardly abiding no hesitation to crime; Her appearance is lost in a wave, a grain of sand...

    She calls to us luring us deep into her subconcious, oh ode to those amorous actions kept secretly seductive; that seductive poison she lets leak stirring us mad, into our own little cauldruns, boiling us mad.

    To shake and somehow break those bounds instilled causing an earthly early death, making us wish for the last breath-

    Mother, the mind, I bequeath thee set us free.




    Submitted on 2007-09-27 22:36:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Great ! .... i really do love the Imagery in this poem ... the 1st stanza is my fav part was


    ...oozing diligent over melting surfaces, resembling worms eating at apples.


    now that is poetry... its so clear and viviD
    like seeing threw running water ...i put this on my fav list ... good write ...

    bloodstone
    | Posted on 2009-08-13 00:00:00 | by Bloodstone | [ Reply to This ]
      i get what this is about, but then again i don't. the way that it is worded didn't really make sense to me. it seemed like a bunch of imcomplete words forming an incomplete thought, like: "that seductive poison she lets leak stirring us mad, into our own little cauldruns, boiling us mad." what does that really mean? it doesn't really make sense the way that it is worded. and the metaphors that are used are kind of weak and cliché. "testtube of a cranium" and "worms eating at apples" just seem kind of corny and take away from the seriousness of the whole piece. i don't know, it just didn't do anything for me.
    | Posted on 2007-09-28 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    150306

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Love written by saartha
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    The World written by jjd
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Cover written by saartha
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry