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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Jubileedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: manwithnoname
    ASL Info:    18/M/Ontario
    Elite Ratio:    5.84 - 314/278/117
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1173
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 316



    Description:
       Time goes by too quickly. Everyone eventually grows up, and then life finally comes down upon them. Responsibilities and more! And then they dream for those days of their youth, when they were carefree and happy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJubileedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Torrents of jubilee
    Years cascading down
    Growing upwards toward
    The castle in the sky

    Free from the chains when young
    But with increasing height comes much
    For one to bear
    And freedom becomes a limited dream

    A dream, will we ever live it again?




    Submitted on 2007-09-28 10:41:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      You really made think. And I don't do that a lot ... LOL just kidding.

    What can I say ... I love the metaphors that you used the "cascading years” that was awesome not to mention growing towards a castle in the sky.

    I feel that the first stanza is by far the best one here and certainly the one that stands out. I reckon that is one of the most striking things I've read these days.

    As to the ending, I sort of spotted a faint religious connotation. To me, you are asking yourself whether there might be life after death or if I stretch it even more I might even dare say that you are touching on reincarnation.


    Great write!
    Very effective!


    Cheers,
    Ethan
    | Posted on 2007-10-05 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      The thing that falls into place to solve this predicament isn't called youth, merely hope. To say Pandora is to thank for that one, empty visceral prison. Anyhow. We yearn for indepedance as children, this isn't a vice that fall onto us later - though we seem to be brainwashed into thinking such ludicrous things. Independance is what you need to accomplish your dreams, though when you are indepedant you are much more fearful, and it is that fear that defeats you. Fear is auto-destructive mental dysfunction if you will.. that you interject onto yourself. Things are temporal, ephemeral; learning to accept that requires overcoming insecurities... And most don't do that until they get a wife a good job and a house.. but by then they feel too settled down to just leave.. Fear becomes their master. This is a problem wherein society imposes obligations and we crumble under them - is university truly essential to life? People are so bitter about the time wasted that you will always hear somebody whinning about how little the qualifications really mean in modern society. Something you need on your side is fortune, because that will help you a LOT more than any qualification; though we understand that this is uncontrollable. So where are we to go? [censored] university. It's not that essential.. if you want an education you're just as able to go gather the information yourself... We're just so inapt, depedent on the system we allow ourselves to conform... Following your dreams is possible, it's just that nobody takes what ifs seriously anymore. Why not just leave the country to go live in some far exotic place? Why not just quite your job... EXCUSES. And where do those come from? Only you can excuse yourself; you either take responsibility for your actions and get what you want or blame it on something else... and whine about the injustice of it all...

    There are those who act, and those who watch... and like Marley says emancipate yourself from your own mental slavery. Having a dream is willing to reach out without compromise.. responsibility is a compromise... Excuses are manifestations of insecurity or fear.. I don't know how else to really express myself on this subject.

    The piece has beauty in its simplicity, though I find that the last verse doesn't fall into the pool with the rest of the piece. It's much more romantic... Simple in its suggestion, it doesn't whine.. merely questions. The questioning is vain for it is auto-didactic - whether one is able to grasp that or not is... on the other hand.. Something else.

    I think you could add more to this piece. Many easy rhymes came to mind while reading this piece... and you could reformate it for metering reasons. The piece is open to so many possibilities... Up to you and your style though...
    | Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      I could not have said it better myself. There is nothing like being a kid free of responsibility. Unfortunately I'm in college already, so I know what it is like to have major responsibility being thrown at me all of a sudden.

    Wanna know how to live that dream again? It's just like Frank Sinatra once said, "It is hard, you will find, to be narrow of mind, when you're young at heart."
    | Posted on 2007-09-28 00:00:00 | by Forest Saint | [ Reply to This ]


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    150330

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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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