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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 9/28/2007dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BrokenAngel
    ASL Info:    21/F/MI
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 179/157/47
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 935
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 911



    Description:
       Umm...this is me rambling and attempting to sort myself out.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots9/28/2007dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I live each day inside a lie
    Trying hard I still won't cry
    I lift my head up to the stars
    And try to image a life I haven't lived
    Each day I walk this path alone
    Makes me feel like I am unknown
    But it doesn't matter because no one cares
    All that matters is the fact that I'm unstoppable

    I'll fight my way through the trials
    Through the thorny paths that life's thrown
    It doesn't matter who I hurt (lies)
    Because I know that at night I'm still alone
    Another loss of human souls
    Because I can't face facts I'm shown
    Painful thoughts and merciful actions
    Throw me back into old passions
    I refuse to go back to somewhere worse
    When I've found something filled with less hurt
    For the first time I've found understanding.




    Submitted on 2007-09-28 22:11:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Not bad at all
    ButI do have to admit the rhying you used in this write does seem a little forced
    I would try rewriting without the rhyme
    But again I stress this is totally up to you this is your write
    To me you are speaking of all the relationships that have hurt you throughout life
    The Good thing is you still remain Positive and have learned from making wrong decisions
    That my Friend is all you could ask for
    Great Job!!!
    God Bless
    Ron
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-09-30 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      So is this kinda like a journal entry? Or just the way you feel today. (the title) BUt umm.. anyways, the first paragraph is good. In touch with your feelings and what not. But the 2nd half, to me, is not to clear as to what exactly those feelings concern.
    | Posted on 2007-09-29 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]


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