Autumn breeze by LadyMerlina

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Submission Name: Autumn breeze dots

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Author:	LadyMerlina
ASL Info:	24/ F/ Montreal
Elite Ratio:	3.07 - 60/93/58
Words:	80

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	560
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	493

Description:

Autumn breeze dots

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The cold wind makes the morning tremble
The day promises to be a cold one
Lost in a land where trees have no leaves
They're a metaphor for me without you
and you without me.

I shiver on the streets, hoping you'll turn up
Around every corner I see
Hoping you'll notice me first and surprise me.

So I look around,
but you're nowhere to be found.

Only the cold wind carresses me

Submitted on 2007-09-29 07:17:57 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
I like what this piece has to say and I hope you offered great thanks to siradrian for the editorial help.
| Posted on 2007-10-06 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
The metaphor is a neat one and the whole works rather well. However there are a fewe bloopers in terms of spelling:
leeves should be leaves
chiver should be shiver
metaphore should be metaphor
carresses should be caresses
"trees as no leeves" should be "trees have no leaves"
| Posted on 2007-09-30 00:00:00 | by siradrian | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.