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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Abyssdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dancer06
    ASL Info:    20/f
    Elite Ratio:    4.74 - 232/171/43
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Trapped
    Total Views: 95
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 1022



    Description:
       I'm falling. and he can't see. He can't see the hurt and pain. how can you save something you can't see?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Abyssdots
    -------------------------------------------


    What do you do when you take that leap?
    The leap, and someone special is there to catch you?
    You know then you'll love them forever.
    You practically worship their every move.

    What no one tells you,
    is that the leaps dont end there.
    In fact, because of that "love"
    You are blinded from the canyons that lay before you.

    The relationship is a series of leaps.
    But what happens,
    when just once
    you leap again, but no one is there to catch you?

    He doesn't see you fall.
    He didn't see it coming.
    He doesn't see you falling.
    And he can't help now.

    So you fall... faster and faster
    And you reach for something
    For anything
    But you just keep falling.

    You fall into an abyss of emotions
    Ironically as you fall you cry
    And your tears become a river below
    And you drown in your own tears of sorrow.




    Submitted on 2007-09-30 22:40:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I would call this a prose-poem rather than a poem, but it is potent stuff. It is the age old lover's lament of a long gone sadly "south". nicely done here .... bravo.... bravo...
    | Posted on 2007-10-03 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      There was one stanza that really grabbed my attention because it rings true.

    "What no one tells you,
    is that the leaps don't end there.
    In fact, because of that "love"
    You are blinded from the canyons that lay before you."

    There's a great deal of insight in those four lines that few manage to see, and I'm still considering what's between those lines.

    Sharon
    | Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
      im not sure that i really liked the piece as a whole
    something about it just didnt grab me and make me love it, but i do like your analogy
    relationships being just a series of jumps
    it hurts to land when they dont catch you
    but thats why you by a parachute
    and learn to catch yourself

    xoxo
    | Posted on 2007-10-01 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]


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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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