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    dots Submission Name: Au cinemadots

    Author: shaman
    ASL Info:    32/m/Holland,MI
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 821/406/72
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 822
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 439


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAu cinemadots

    I've spent lifetimes in lifelines;
    piplines calm, Oily palms placed.
    As Trepidating falanges trace
    venus mounds,
    I'm bound by the sound of her heart beat
    sneaking peeks between fingers sleek
    She smoothly arched into a steeple

    To dwell in her church my finger would purge their prints
    hands clasped indifferent to individuality
    As we finish watching the movie

    Submitted on 2007-10-01 07:15:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      What the?! Is that???


    This site is freaking me out!!!

    Is you account all crazy too???
    | Posted on 2014-05-13 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
    To dwell in her church my finger would purge their prints

    Oi!! *jealous*
    Although my hands shouldn't dwell into HER anything ;)


    Seriously, this is one of those...ahhhhh moments where I praise you.
    So suck it up buttercup. This is a fav

    Loverly and passionate with an oh so you ending...Love it

    | Posted on 2014-05-13 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
    | Posted on 2014-05-13 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      This has some good metaphor, well it is a metaphor in every way. And my guess is that the title means you'd like to get it right in the first take.

    Love takes care and caring. I believe you've got it right here, Dave.

    I don't think this piece is for everyone. The language is subtle and if I didn't know better, I'd say it all began with an innocent
    massage. If I asked for more details, I would be prying.

    I prefer to have my own experience of this type. But this was definitely crafty and I enjoyed peeking in, just to see how you managed the description, of course.


    | Posted on 2008-02-28 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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