early spring
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Description:
early spring
Her face breaks from blankets; The horizon line, Where we find dreams easily achieved We make believe that hitting snooze will wiggle loose The tooth that is routine She gleans glimpses of lunar light Gleaming despite the fact night has subsided Her skin collides with freshly ironed clothes, deodorant and a small dose of perfume Consuming peanut butter toast She explodes from the kitchen Throws her keys in the ignition Quickly shifting the transmission into drive Surviving paycheck to paycheck is stressful enough but now she's stuck in road construction Waiting for the bulldozer to move from her path She gently places pressure on the gas and bounces over the section of grav- el where the pavement had been Her engine rattles as tires spin Splattering tar onto the win- dow of her recently cleaned car So close to her out stretched hand That her cigarette landed in her lap burning a hole through khaki pants Forcing her to slam on the brakes And take a minute to examine The salmon coloration of her leg Where the fag was estinguished Relinquishing her grip on the steering wheel She peels out at the light Overly excited to have the right of way parking two blocks away she feeds the meter enough coins to cover her eight hour shift |
Submitted on 2007-10-01 07:27:30 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| Oh dude!!! How do you do it! Nan is right this is already a perfect fit. Stress of all that is in the mundane 9-5 at minimum wage. Clever, every line shows your gift for turning the regular passing of time as a melody, theme song to life it self. XO Fluffy unicorns & Cotton candy clouds Love ya | Posted on 2014-05-13 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ] | whatever do u mean ? | | Posted on 2009-05-02 00:00:00 | by weepingwillow | [ Reply to This ] | Hi Dave, | My first impression is that the first strophe doesn't fit. I would go ahead and just delete it. Here's the effect: first the reader is outside and then inside. My other idea is to keep it, but switch the first and second strophes, begin with her.. Her face breaks from blankets; The horizon line, Where we find dreams easily achieved We make believe that hitting snooze will wiggle lose [loose] The tooth that is routine She gleans glimpses of lunar light Gleaming despite the fact night has subsided Her skin collides with freshly ironed clothes, deodorant and a small dose of perfume Consuming peanut butter toast She explodes from the kitchen Throws her[s] keys in the ignition Quickly shifting the transmission into drive Traces of snow huddle close to the curb Trying to preserve their present form Adorned with bits of litter, Assorted minerals, And whatever else the bitter cold froze Below the surface Really nothing else needs to be done. Though it seems such a simple fix, now she's in the car and sees the snow. The rest is pretty clean and straight forward for a day in the life. Sorry I didn't get back around until now. You take care, Nan | Posted on 2008-11-17 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ] | |
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