early spring -------------------------------------------
Her face breaks from blankets;
The horizon line,
Where we find dreams easily achieved
We make believe that hitting snooze will wiggle loose
The tooth that is routine
She gleans glimpses of lunar light
Gleaming despite the fact night has subsided
Her skin collides with freshly ironed clothes,
deodorant and a small dose of perfume
Consuming peanut butter toast
She explodes from the kitchen
Throws her keys in the ignition
Quickly shifting the transmission into drive
Surviving paycheck to paycheck is stressful enough
but now she's stuck in road construction
Waiting for the bulldozer to move from her path
She gently places pressure on the gas
and bounces over the section of grav-
el where the pavement had been
Her engine rattles as tires spin
Splattering tar onto the win-
dow of her recently cleaned car
So close to her out stretched hand
That her cigarette landed in her lap
burning a hole through khaki pants
Forcing her to slam on the brakes
And take a minute to examine
The salmon coloration of her leg
Where the fag was estinguished
Relinquishing her grip on the steering wheel
She peels out at the light
Overly excited to have the right of way
parking two blocks away she feeds the meter enough coins to cover her eight hour shift
My first impression is that the first strophe doesn't fit. I would go ahead and just delete it. Here's the effect: first the reader is outside
and then inside. My other idea is to keep it, but switch the first and second strophes, begin with her..
Her face breaks from blankets;
The horizon line,
Where we find dreams easily achieved
We make believe that hitting snooze will wiggle lose [loose]
The tooth that is routine
She gleans glimpses of lunar light
Gleaming despite the fact night has subsided
Her skin collides with freshly ironed clothes,
deodorant and a small dose of perfume
Consuming peanut butter toast
She explodes from the kitchen
Throws her[s] keys in the ignition
Quickly shifting the transmission into drive
Traces of snow huddle close to the curb
Trying to preserve their present form
Adorned with bits of litter,
Assorted minerals,
And whatever else the bitter cold froze
Below the surface
Really nothing else needs to be done. Though it seems such a simple fix, now she's in the car and sees the snow. The rest is pretty clean and straight forward for a day in the life.
Sorry I didn't get back around until now. You take care,
Submission Name: early spring
