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    dots Submission Name: once upon a timedots

    Author: shaman
    ASL Info:    32/m/Holland,MI
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 821/406/72
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 836
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 932


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsonce upon a timedots

    Once upon a time my posts,
    my rhymes,
    Were noticed.
    Once upon a lotus flower
    I scraped and scoured
    the ocean floor for
    remnants of ancestors.
    Like the stories;
    this catcher gone a rye,
    Clawing at dust mites
    As they bite my third eye
    And night mares gallop past
    At a pace to fast stay saddled
    The death rattle is more of a morrocca
    And hell the sweltering sting of a habanero pepper
    Cold hard conjecture meets fact and upon impact
    There exact location becomes a mystery for everything but gps.
    I guess I'm babbeling,
    Rambling without cause
    Yet for all of my flaws there is still cause for celebration
    As I utter some incantation uniting the etheral with the physical
    In plain sight spirits take flight for all to see
    and god is standing next to me beat boxing

    Submitted on 2007-10-01 07:30:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    Oh my word!

    I forgot to say some thing...then got booted..and then hit the exit.

    I did truly enjoy the write. It's extremely accurate to the light in which I view Elite these days...this time round coming in has been the strangest ever...ghostly and hallow..traces of the faces here and it's been like that for ages I know but mortality makes us frail and anything that dies hurts and wounds deep.


    Whether this was your meaning/intention with the piece or not, that is where it lies within me.

    Brava bro

    This was amazing :

    I scraped and scoured
    the ocean floor for
    remnants of ancestors.
    Like the stories;
    this catcher gone a rye,
    Clawing at dust mites
    As they bite my third eye
    | Posted on 2014-05-13 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Once upon a time...so accurate.

    Ash is dead on...this place was something completely different when we first signed up...huh?

    Yes, yes it was.

    But the swell of tides falling short around here does not mean the talent is gone. Proof right here. There could be some straightening up right before the "babbeling" which is actually babbling but did you mean to reference the aura of Babylon?

    Whichever...you know I do not help with the fixing just throw my two cents at you and RUNNNNNNNNNN!

    from the pie hole ;)
    | Posted on 2014-05-13 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the mix of the concrete, here and now, mixed with a more loftier/ metaphysical sense of feeling.
    | Posted on 2013-08-28 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]
      You're rambling was great to read and reminded me of te movie Dogma, one of my favorites right under The Fifth Element. This simply reminded me of when I had first joined ES and wow, nearly 4 years ago, people seemed comment on everything. it was a frenzy. lay out help, reformatting ideas, personal relations to the piece, out right but constructive criticism. and goodness i worked hard, posting and making sure to recomment as many other people in return. then i went through a good year of rping and then after i out grew that, i began my little snippets of poetry which arent nearly what they once were (it gives me something to do and away to just chill out for a bit) and posting them and well not so much attention any more. it almost saddens me but its not a drastic change, just something that causes you to tilt your head and say oh, mainly because a piece that once upon a time would recieve four comments now only managed one. and it was two sentences with the word dude in it. anyhow nice writing.

    | Posted on 2009-01-20 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

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