Fountain pen of my youth
Reveal the truth hidden
My Adam's apple
She had bitten
Too wrapped up in a kiss
And if such love is a sin
I'd rather touch her skin
Than gain admittance to heaven
Seven days I'm weak
As She sighs and I peak
Too soon
Numerous times I've lied beside her
Procuring furtive moans in fervent tones
Her hip bones shifting slightly
Eyes rolling ecstatic
Toes fold pragmatic
As if saying a simple prayer
As I labor for love I savor her touch
Her legs relaxed;
Wrapped around my lower back,
Contracting as the matress smacks
Against the headboard
She said afterward
Never to call her Godess
As if my reverence were thoughtless
Or her curves weren't worthy of worship
Nice! not too revealing, just the right amount of expression and description.
I like the lighthearted feel this has and the declaration of your willingness to give up all just to touch her.
'Toes folding in prayer' < pretty neat/unique description. I like it.
I also like the give and take of the fourth part.
Her coyness in not wanting to be referred to as a goddess, made an interesting ending.
Perhaps in S3 L1 it should be "lain" instead of "lied"?
I'm sure that everything we offer is a prayer and naming it so makes all of life sacred. It just is. So zen you are and always have been.
It's a sweet journey you write of and how you portray your lover?, so humble and coy. Prayers are for healing and mending and this kind is so much a part of our lives.
I admire your frank approach and understand the sincerity from which you write.
....and love he gave, and love he sold, and torn for sin, yet beauty holds....
Sorry, its beautiful (the verse above came to me as I read your poem, I don't think I can express how much I like it (you poem) better than that (verse))
The first time I read it got the impression that the write was unfinished or that it left something to be desired. Then I read it a couple of times more and decidedly changed my mind.
I usually shun pieces that depict sex coz I just don’t enjoy reading them or somebody's private affairs, for that matter but I did like yours because you are quite honest and sensible and your descriptions are sweet and romantic. You never mention any sordid detail which could shock or annoy the reader.
I like your careful choice of words which is where the strength of the poem lies. I love the rhythm which helps you convey the message effectively and touch the reader at the same time.
One suggestion would be to add some punctuation in order to see where the stress is placed. Other than that I'd say it's a very fine piece.
Submission Name: simple prayer
