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    dots Submission Name: simple prayerdots

    Author: shaman
    ASL Info:    32/m/Holland,MI
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 821/406/72
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 920
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 914


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    dotssimple prayerdots

    Fountain pen of my youth
    Reveal the truth hidden
    My Adam's apple
    She had bitten
    Too wrapped up in a kiss
    And if such love is a sin
    I'd rather touch her skin
    Than gain admittance to heaven

    Seven days I'm weak
    As She sighs and I peak
    Too soon

    Numerous times I've lied beside her
    Procuring furtive moans in fervent tones
    Her hip bones shifting slightly
    Eyes rolling ecstatic
    Toes fold pragmatic
    As if saying a simple prayer

    As I labor for love I savor her touch
    Her legs relaxed;
    Wrapped around my lower back,
    Contracting as the matress smacks
    Against the headboard

    She said afterward
    Never to call her Godess
    As if my reverence were thoughtless
    Or her curves weren't worthy of worship

    Submitted on 2007-10-01 07:33:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I swear I have commented on this one!?!?

    Seriously...oh wait! Pm right? Yes...working out the kinks!

    Still brings chills. This is one of those ones where...I cannot not comment but don't know quite how too.

    Moves me...nuff said

    Your thorn
    | Posted on 2014-05-13 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice! not too revealing, just the right amount of expression and description.
    I like the lighthearted feel this has and the declaration of your willingness to give up all just to touch her.
    'Toes folding in prayer' < pretty neat/unique description. I like it.
    I also like the give and take of the fourth part.

    Her coyness in not wanting to be referred to as a goddess, made an interesting ending.

    Perhaps in S3 L1 it should be "lain" instead of "lied"?

    I really enjoyed. Good work!
    | Posted on 2008-11-18 00:00:00 | by TamarRoze | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sure that everything we offer is a prayer and naming it so makes all of life sacred. It just is. So zen you are and always have been.

    It's a sweet journey you write of and how you portray your lover?, so humble and coy. Prayers are for healing and mending and this kind is so much a part of our lives.

    I admire your frank approach and understand the sincerity from which you write.


    | Posted on 2008-02-13 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      ....and love he gave, and love he sold, and torn for sin, yet beauty holds....

    Sorry, its beautiful (the verse above came to me as I read your poem, I don't think I can express how much I like it (you poem) better than that (verse))


    | Posted on 2008-02-12 00:00:00 | by firefoxvixen | [ Reply to This ]
      The first time I read it got the impression that the write was unfinished or that it left something to be desired. Then I read it a couple of times more and decidedly changed my mind.

    I usually shun pieces that depict sex coz I just donít enjoy reading them or somebody's private affairs, for that matter but I did like yours because you are quite honest and sensible and your descriptions are sweet and romantic. You never mention any sordid detail which could shock or annoy the reader.

    I like your careful choice of words which is where the strength of the poem lies. I love the rhythm which helps you convey the message effectively and touch the reader at the same time.

    One suggestion would be to add some punctuation in order to see where the stress is placed. Other than that I'd say it's a very fine piece.

    Wishing you well,

    | Posted on 2007-10-13 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]

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