Description: A fellow ES poet mentioned the book "The Little Prince" in their comment on one of my poems. I decided to read the book and see what it was like. It was such a good book, deep, philosophical (and it is a children's book!), and overall, beautiful. I decided to write a little poem based on something in the book. And here it is.
The Day of Forty-Four Sunsets -------------------------------------------
Only another stone's throw ahead
And the red blush of the sun
Will be cast upon your golden hair
And starry sky laughter
Forty-four times, the sun caught in
A state of constant embarrassment
For your eyes to perceive crimson beauty
For your flower to forget herself for a moment
For your extinct volcano to awaken
For the baobabs to die of shame
Crimson the falling plasma all day
For you, prince, to hear
The sound of five million springs
Of fresh water
And for the earthling man
To look up and hear your laughter forever
where is your punctuation? you really need it, otherwise the flow of the poem is very...well...it just doesn't flow well at all. i do like the imagery though.
your linebreaks are normal and i think you should fix that. x)
My favorite was "Starry Sky Laughter" it worked so well in conjunction with the rest of the poem. Makes you realize that all of it is beautiful, even if it is dark. It's that little thing in the back of your mind that makes you say "Maybe", and you brought it out nicely.
I had to look up baobab (a tree with a thick trunk and gourd like seeds) so, perhaps a more obvious allusion might be useful. Colourful and full of quite exquisite imagery which doesn't (for me) fully focus the meaning - but it sure sounds good on the tongue.
Submission Name: The Day of Forty-Four Sunsets
