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Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

Join Me


Author: sageeriol
ASL Info:    23/male/GA.
Elite Ratio:    3.19 - 314 /322 /106
Words: 40
Class/Type: Misc /Serious
Total Views: 1279
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 225



Description:

Random lines I couldn't get off of my mind. Ill come back to this one later.


Join Me


Join me in a world of doubt
Lie next to me in the cold self pity
Of another's hate.
Join me in a world of guilt
Hold my hand in the shadows of the frigid greed
Of another's spite.




Submitted on 2007-10-01 16:46:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I disagree with Dee. I don't feel as though you should even attempt to join the lines at all! personally I feel that is the beauty of this. It feels as though your reaching for something which can never be and even though everything says no you still keep pushing through the worse. The best part is, it is so vague! the fact everything is so scattered made me really put some deep thought into the very few but well picked words, which makes everything stick out.

Sean
| Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by SoftOrangeGlow | [ Reply to This ]
  The lines by themselves are okay, but yeah I do think you should come back to this one. There is no story here, just a few disconnected actions. When you come back, maybe you can find a way to join the lines together and make the lines real and help them make more sense.
| Posted on 2007-10-01 00:00:00 | by DeeBaby6389 | [ Reply to This ]


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5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?		7. What was unclear?
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9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



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