wINNING THE gAME by Broken

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Submission Name: wINNING THE gAME dots

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Author:	Broken
Elite Ratio:	2.96 - 139/137/36
Words:	98

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	245
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	588

Description:
What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

wINNING THE gAME dots

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I am going to beat you
You just watch

Why I want to compete
I am not sure

To taste your arrogance
And see you fall

Never once did you try to know me
Never once did you ask me anything about me

All you wanted to do
I now know

Was too out win your friend
In this game we call love

How shallow can you get
Possessing a talent I long to forget

I should wish you happiness and success
But hate and misery possesses me well.

Submitted on 2004-06-22 09:42:38 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  allright possess in the sense that you use it does not sound right to me.
the fact that your possessed,possess or are possessing is cool and all and correct english even sometimes is not meant to be used so sharply.
now i dont know if that made sense,
but something possess's me to only possess me
blahblahblah
it sounds better to me the other way with out the extra s
luv ya paulie d
| Posted on 2004-06-23 00:00:00 | by paulie d | [ Reply to This ]
  posses me well,,,sounds -i dont know- but the poem is great.
cant it be possess me well.
in any case i see you have got a lot of comments and im sure you have a nuff to read.
i like,love it. find it interesting,insightfull,and raw truth of certain human characteristics
paulie d
| Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by paulie d | [ Reply to This ]
  the piece... uhmm.. to start with,... having two lines in each stanza made it easier for the reader to read through.. Well.. on this parts

Never once did you try to know me
Never once did you ask me anything about me

...well you might think of shortening the second line... in this one...

Was too out win your friend
In this game we call love

...was the TOO in the first line should have really been TO??

Was too out win your friend
In this game we call love

Yeah... other than that... nothing against this...really hard to win in this game of LOVE on which everybody plays...
| Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by zadhoevlhu13 | [ Reply to This ]
  thiss is good. i think that the last lines
I should wish you happiness and success
But hate and misery possesses me well.
were great . keep it up lia
| Posted on 2004-06-22 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]

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