If Ever There Was by insphered soul

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Submission Name: If Ever There Was dots

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Author:	insphered soul
ASL Info:	18/M/ Hmmm?
Elite Ratio:	6.56 - 450/375/90
Words:	86

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	216
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	518

Description:
I was sitting in my honors earth/space science class and this just came to me.

Ah, I've been here for so long and I still can't use punctuation correctly.

I feel like an idiot.

Any and all comments are greatly appreciated and thank all of those who read.

Stay safe everyone.

If Ever There Was dots

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If ever there was a time
in which I felt the darkness
of a thousand crushing books
fall upon my head from a window
this would be that time

If ever there was a time
in which I felt the emptiness
that consumed the mind
and left me trapped in a dark hole
this would be that time

If ever there was a time
in which I felt redemption
from the gods of my mind
relinquishing my spirit
This would not be that time

Submitted on 2007-10-02 08:02:52 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  Earth/Science must put a lot of pressure of you :)
The sudden abrupt change in the last stanza lines was nice. It kept the reader on their toes. IT was simple, but that's what makes it a good write.

*tox*
| Posted on 2007-11-21 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  DUDE ur earth/space science class must be real heavy.

This poem is swell. I like how the first two stanzas end with this would be that time and how the last stanza ended with this would not be that time.

peace
Grim

| Posted on 2007-10-07 00:00:00 | by WD-40 | [ Reply to This ]
  i like it

and i was almost scared for you when i read your descriptioin, then noticed you saved yourself by not using any punctuation at all *applauds*

and personally, i think, instead of
"this would be that time" or "This would not be that time"

it would sound better as
"this would [not] be the time"

i like it though.

just wait til next year when you have senioritis...

....like i do

love ya

and why is this kitten hugging and kissing you?

*glares at her until she runs away screaming*
| Posted on 2007-10-03 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
  ive been here forever and me and punctuation are still not on speaking terms...

this seemed like a trick to me.
the way you feed me the last stanza about redemption only to quash it with 'this is not that time'...

faith and hope move out so despair and killer amounts of homework move in...

i think this could potentially be more but youve got some good thoughts happening here...
| Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  hmmm
not bad for something just come up with while in class
i think i like it
makes me think of staring out the window at the great blue sky, clouds swirling around, and my mind is anywhere but where it needs to be

xoxo
| Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]

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