Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Queendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blu_kittin
    ASL Info:    20/F/Garden of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    6.15 - 711/397/207
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1024
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 714



    Description:
       queen, revised and added to
    what do you think
    is it ready for submission to be published?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Queendots
    -------------------------------------------


    She reigned over Avalon
    was loved by the king of Babylon
    She gave birth to the Amazons
    She checked coats at Valhalla
    and kept the sky from falling
    She gave a toy box to Pandora
    She led the world to battle
    bade the gods not to tattle
    She was the queen of three kingoms
    though she never ruled a one
    She has the beauty of the night
    and the strength and skill to fight
    She sits in state at Luxor
    full of grace and splendor
    She is the mother of the earth
    to us all she gave birth
    she is the highest of queens
    over us all she reigns
    she is all of us and none
    the moon and the setting sun




    Submitted on 2007-10-02 12:35:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Now that was a great poem and I think you should get this one published(smile)
    I really liked the line...
    "she checked coats at valhalla"
    Kind of made me laugh. Just that line made me laugh. The rest made me think how wonderful a writer you are. Why are you not writing a book???
    Anyway great write!!! Thanks for sharing.
    Kelley
    | Posted on 2007-12-20 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      An excellent even a superb piece of poetry! In fact a very fair representation of Jung's concept of the "anima". The female who is the be all and end all, larger than life itself a true archetype of the unconscious (at least the male unconscious) it is H. Rider Haggard's "She" in less than one hundred words. A profound piece of verse (a few typos). I loved it, loved it! bravo ... bravo ... bravo...
    | Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      well i enjoyed reading your poem, the legend and mythical refferences were also nicely put together, i also noticed a few typing errors,
    (she was the led the world to battle) i think you forgot the word "one "here
    (though she never ruled a one)i think the "a"is a typing mistake.it,s happened to me before,sometimes poems are posted in a hurry,without a spelling check,i hope you don,t mind the nit picking,(only trying to be helpful)

    (she checked coats at valhalla)you will have to clear me up on this line,it,s the only one in the poem i couldn,t relate to.
    take care
    gerry
    | Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]
      Only two things. Spelling errors:
    "Kingoms" = Kingdoms
    "Strenght" = Strength

    I think this is a neat poem with many allusions to mythology. Love the little comedic lines as well:
    "she checked coats at valhalla"
    "bade the gods not to tattle"

    I think this, once you fix the spelling errors, is, as that Taco Bell commercial says, "good to go."

    I don't mean to be a negative nelly (or negative nathan or whatever), but your work, although good, is riddled with spelling errors. I know that no one is perfect and we all overlook things at times, but it happens in pretty much each and every thing you post. I'm not sure what the reason is for it, but as a poet, too many spelling errors are not good (unless you are spelling a word another way for effect, which is alright).

    Sorry for the harsh words but I had to say something. This is your intervention.

    Spelling errors aside, this is a neat poem and I think it is pretty good.

    LUXOR!
    | Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    150487

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry