[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Queendots

    Author: blu_kittin
    ASL Info:    20/F/Garden of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    6.15 - 711/397/207
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1046
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 714

       queen, revised and added to
    what do you think
    is it ready for submission to be published?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Queendots

    She reigned over Avalon
    was loved by the king of Babylon
    She gave birth to the Amazons
    She checked coats at Valhalla
    and kept the sky from falling
    She gave a toy box to Pandora
    She led the world to battle
    bade the gods not to tattle
    She was the queen of three kingoms
    though she never ruled a one
    She has the beauty of the night
    and the strength and skill to fight
    She sits in state at Luxor
    full of grace and splendor
    She is the mother of the earth
    to us all she gave birth
    she is the highest of queens
    over us all she reigns
    she is all of us and none
    the moon and the setting sun

    Submitted on 2007-10-02 12:35:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Now that was a great poem and I think you should get this one published(smile)
    I really liked the line...
    "she checked coats at valhalla"
    Kind of made me laugh. Just that line made me laugh. The rest made me think how wonderful a writer you are. Why are you not writing a book???
    Anyway great write!!! Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2007-12-20 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      An excellent even a superb piece of poetry! In fact a very fair representation of Jung's concept of the "anima". The female who is the be all and end all, larger than life itself a true archetype of the unconscious (at least the male unconscious) it is H. Rider Haggard's "She" in less than one hundred words. A profound piece of verse (a few typos). I loved it, loved it! bravo ... bravo ... bravo...
    | Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      well i enjoyed reading your poem, the legend and mythical refferences were also nicely put together, i also noticed a few typing errors,
    (she was the led the world to battle) i think you forgot the word "one "here
    (though she never ruled a one)i think the "a"is a typing mistake.it,s happened to me before,sometimes poems are posted in a hurry,without a spelling check,i hope you don,t mind the nit picking,(only trying to be helpful)

    (she checked coats at valhalla)you will have to clear me up on this line,it,s the only one in the poem i couldn,t relate to.
    take care
    | Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]
      Only two things. Spelling errors:
    "Kingoms" = Kingdoms
    "Strenght" = Strength

    I think this is a neat poem with many allusions to mythology. Love the little comedic lines as well:
    "she checked coats at valhalla"
    "bade the gods not to tattle"

    I think this, once you fix the spelling errors, is, as that Taco Bell commercial says, "good to go."

    I don't mean to be a negative nelly (or negative nathan or whatever), but your work, although good, is riddled with spelling errors. I know that no one is perfect and we all overlook things at times, but it happens in pretty much each and every thing you post. I'm not sure what the reason is for it, but as a poet, too many spelling errors are not good (unless you are spelling a word another way for effect, which is alright).

    Sorry for the harsh words but I had to say something. This is your intervention.

    Spelling errors aside, this is a neat poem and I think it is pretty good.

    | Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Fasade written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Every..... written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Linger written by saartha
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer written by layDsayD
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]