Description: queen, revised and added to
what do you think
is it ready for submission to be published?
The Queen -------------------------------------------
she reigned over avalon
was loved by the king of babylon
she gave birth to the Amazons
she checked coats at valhalla
and kept the sky from falling
she gave a toy box to pandora
she was the led the world to battle
bade the gods not to tattle
she was the queen of three kingoms
though she never ruled a one
she has the beauty of the night
and the strenght and skill to fight
she sits in state at Luxor
full of grace and splendor
she is the mother of the earth
to us all she gave birth
she is the highest of queens
over us all she reigns
she is all of us and none
the moon and the setting sun
Now that was a great poem and I think you should get this one published(smile)
I really liked the line...
"she checked coats at valhalla"
Kind of made me laugh. Just that line made me laugh. The rest made me think how wonderful a writer you are. Why are you not writing a book???
Anyway great write!!! Thanks for sharing.
Kelley
An excellent even a superb piece of poetry! In fact a very fair representation of Jung's concept of the "anima". The female who is the be all and end all, larger than life itself a true archetype of the unconscious (at least the male unconscious) it is H. Rider Haggard's "She" in less than one hundred words. A profound piece of verse (a few typos). I loved it, loved it! bravo ... bravo ... bravo...
well i enjoyed reading your poem, the legend and mythical refferences were also nicely put together, i also noticed a few typing errors,
(she was the led the world to battle) i think you forgot the word "one "here
(though she never ruled a one)i think the "a"is a typing mistake.it,s happened to me before,sometimes poems are posted in a hurry,without a spelling check,i hope you don,t mind the nit picking,(only trying to be helpful)
(she checked coats at valhalla)you will have to clear me up on this line,it,s the only one in the poem i couldn,t relate to.
take care
gerry
Only two things. Spelling errors:
"Kingoms" = Kingdoms
"Strenght" = Strength
I think this is a neat poem with many allusions to mythology. Love the little comedic lines as well:
"she checked coats at valhalla"
"bade the gods not to tattle"
I think this, once you fix the spelling errors, is, as that Taco Bell commercial says, "good to go."
I don't mean to be a negative nelly (or negative nathan or whatever), but your work, although good, is riddled with spelling errors. I know that no one is perfect and we all overlook things at times, but it happens in pretty much each and every thing you post. I'm not sure what the reason is for it, but as a poet, too many spelling errors are not good (unless you are spelling a word another way for effect, which is alright).
Sorry for the harsh words but I had to say something. This is your intervention.
Spelling errors aside, this is a neat poem and I think it is pretty good.
Submission Name: The Queen
