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    dots Submission Name: Pioneerdots

    Author: srcastic1
    ASL Info:    18/F/IA
    Elite Ratio:    6.29 - 96/97/28
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 521
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 730

       This was inspired by Anthony McCann's Moongarden. It also presents some interesting ideas.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The city infected the country.
    The city controlled continuity.
    The city burned my morality.
    So one day, I moved to the moon.

    Unpacked, I tasted the air,
    bottomless gravity and white starlight.
    Perched on a lawn chair I became
    President and self-made Ambassador
    of Moon, this Moon, my Moon,
    to assist the tourists and guard Earth from afar.

    I watched Phantom Jets fight pilots for control,
    fighting for the flight life cockpit control.
    I watched birds glide, dive, dissolve
    alive in stride with the heaving wind.

    The city simply posed nude in the moonlight,
    and I sketched its outline in gouda.

    Submitted on 2007-10-02 15:22:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'd like to know more about 'the city' - probably not in this poem though, this poem is a tasty size. Although another stanza to further develop ideas around what you did/saw/etc on the moon - between the last two stanzas, I think would work. Yes the moon is made out of cheese! You're awesome.

    | Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by Camo Star | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting is right.

    i like the loose, good-humored tone.

    the third stanza stands out in a sprt of "why am i here" sort of way. it feels like perhaps it is out of place, but that's just how i felt. however the 4th stanza needs something between it and the second, so... i'll leave that open to you to think about.

    at any rate, an enjoyable piece.

    thanks for the read.

    keep doing what you do.

    | Posted on 2007-10-02 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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