Description: this is half directed at a friend who's obliviousness will surely make this the funniest thing if they ever read it, because they will fail to see themselves, and that is fine
and it is also half written at me
because i let myself do these things
how dare you (I) -------------------------------------------
cant handle this shit
what do i submit
how do i write
when, and why?
isnt it all so much more important when it comes from you
mine is insignificant, and yours is worth years of worship on hand and knee
i hate listening to your superficial deepness
i dont like the way you look at us
like you own every movement we make
like you know better than we
how dare you condescend to me
how dare you even think to be
the person that you are today
how dare i even think to be
the person that i am today
i dont even know who i could be
Ouch. But wow. But ouch. That one should be stinging for a few more days. You're so raw with your emotions. Its really nice reading something that (even if it is just a rant) is a genuine NOT MANUFACTURED feeling that you felt you should represent.
And I'm sorry that someone made you feel that way. No one likes being objectified as the weaker of the two, especially in writing. Personally, I would say tell them to go to hell and remember that your voice is unique and quite crafty to have this piece under your belt. You should be proud.
I think I'll have a look at some other stuff by you.
I can definately feel the emotion of this piece, and can relate to people being condescending toward me. I like the line about "superficial deepness". How about -superficial depth-
just a thought.
I think you could channel the emotion of this piece and write in more of a metaphor, or maybe in third person telling a brief story.
Just another thought.
Submission Name: how dare you (I)
