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    dots Submission Name: Passingdots

    Author: wanderingpoet16
    Elite Ratio:    5.68 - 157/177/55
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1055
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 710


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    In the marketplace,
    there are bodies

    blistered, broken jawbones
    stretched and gnawed upon
    all sorts of cancers and eyes gouged out

    I knelt at their feet one afternoon
    breathing and conscious
    but remembered I could soon
    decompose with the Earth
    and meld with the salt of the ocean

    that I will be the poppies they pick
    the fruit they peel
    my face - the molecules of green, green grass
    under little toes

    until I grow and grow and wither again
    my flesh sown to procreate
    bringing new breath

    and that is the reason
    that is the reason for everything

    Submitted on 2007-10-03 20:31:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Nice repitition. Eye-catching first paragraphs.

    It was very well written. A good exploration into death and how we all 'decompose with the earth'.

    Loved it. You used great imagery to create a beautiful and breathtaking effect. And I really liked the contridiction of a sharp, violent imagery at the beggining with the 'broken jawbones' and 'gouged out' eyes and then having a quite soft description of decomposing...stuff.

    The only problem I can think of is that the title doesn't seem to quite fit the poem. I guess it's the whole idea of 'passing on' AKA dying, yet it doesn't seem to match up. My suggestion is to instead link the title with the words in the poem. May I suggest the last line, "The reason for everything". It would work because it means they'd both link together beautifully.

    That was a really good poem. I really liked it. Thanks for posting!
    | Posted on 2007-10-04 00:00:00 | by AteMyBackpack | [ Reply to This ]
      A poem that breathes. I could feel its pulse, line by line. An interesting alternative view of passing...
    What caught me most was the ending...vey meaningful.
    Well done!
    | Posted on 2007-10-04 00:00:00 | by AutumnLeaves | [ Reply to This ]
      truth, and nothing more.

    | Posted on 2007-10-03 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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