Description: This one was off a journal entry. Think of a person (imaginary or not), and a place to put them in. Describe their hands (1-2 lines), then describe something done with those hands (1-2 lines) and question them as to what they're doing (referencing the top 2-4 lines), then use a metaphor using some place exotic, then have them answer your question with something similar to "what?" or "What'd you say?"
So I didn't get all the way done with the assignment, nor do it in order really (didn't do the last part, and the questioning is at the end), but it felt over so I decided to stop. So wacha think?
(I'll gladly explain what I had intended with this piece if ya ask ;) )
New -------------------------------------------
Her hands were dropped disappointedly on her knees,
Palms up and quivering; what had those hands seen?
Her frame was hunched, eyes down in despair.
One more disguised movement, one more hidden tear.
Her thoughts were canopied amazonian,
Shades of brown, then shades of gray.
Her bindings forced me to question,
What had those hands seen?
I think that you have some good ideas within this piece but it is incomplete. Or at least it feels that way to me. It sounds more like an introduction and seems to have no main body or conclusion apart from re-iterating the first line about what her hands had seen.
Her hands were dropped disappointedly on her knees,
Palms up and quivering; what had those hands seen?
I also struggled a little with the beggining of this piece and i think that is because of the tense that it is written in.
Dispointedly her hands had dropped to her knees
Palms up and quivering;
What had those hands seen?
is a little clearer..just my thoughts...stormy on behalf of paul
Submission Name: New
