-- [ x]-[The Pleasure of Your Torture]-[ x] -- by AutumnChild

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Submission Name: -- [ x]-[The Pleasure of Your Torture]-[ x] -- dots

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Author:	AutumnChild
Elite Ratio:	8 - 8/1/4
Words:	119

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	121
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	862

Description:
Sorry,

Am feeling evil today.

-- [ x]-[The Pleasure of Your Torture]-[ x] -- dots

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Thy wild eyes aghast
As purplish hues casts your reflection
Back from amethyst irises.
To disobey, thy shall fear my reaction.

'And so now,
For a game Thou shall always win
Stop your quavering
And let it begin.'

Thy released such pleasing
Noises; such arabsque in ears ring well.
Cracks of leather against flesh,
Thou heaven is truly your hell.

Your bones, those tensed-up
Swelled sweet muscles under Thou wiles,
Conjured tattooed curves,
Like my deceitful smiles.

And yet when the night is done,
Thy felt the innocent sheer bliss
As the sun smears the horizon hues,
Thou left your body with the chains,
And your sweet lips with my kiss.

Submitted on 2007-10-06 01:12:42 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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"-- [ x]-[The Pleasure of Your Torture]-[ x] --"

I like how this is very artisitic. I mean, sure, a poem can be awesome, but if the title does not do any justice, it sometimes give the impression of another boring poem. What I find very artsy about this is the "x" in the brackets. I do not know why exactly why I am talking about your title, but it does stick out from the rest. A title can say it all sometimes, and as I read through your poem, I thought it made a lot of sense. So far, I can say that you like pleasure that is derived from someone elses torture. You could be a sadist. I am a wee bit of sadist. Not really though, it is not like it is a serious thing that I would do out of ten times. I like seeing people I dislike in pain, but I don't like to see innocent people getting injured at all. It kinda pains me to see that people take pleasure in hurting everything they can that's in his/her way. Maschoism sounds pretty painful. I think you have a lot of courage if you can be swung from metal hooks implanted in your skin.

What I got from the title was some sex-torture poem in which the writer was in love with his/her partner and had a fetish for tight leather and chains. I don't necessarily like that fetish, but it's something that most people would like to do. Really, I don't want to go into detail in sorts of fetishes. You know what I mean?

"Sorry,

Am feeling evil today."

Everyone has those days where they are just plain wicked. Some people are just secretive about it and others just like to write it out or shout it out. I like those days becaue I can feel naughty one day and then feel relieved the next. The world isn't going to be a place where you think it's about beautiful white unicorns and magical dragons from an old Chinese well that grants you three wishes. People grow up to have sexual desires as well as others. Monks are really cool though, they don't get all sexed-up. They rather spend their time to help other people, such amazing people.

wikipedia.com/wiki/monk

"...the conditioning of mind and body in favor of the spirit, and does so living either alone or with any number of like-minded people, whilst always maintaining some degree of physical separation from those not sharing the same purpose. The concept is ancient and can be seen in many religions and in philosophy."

If people could do that today, I think the world would be a better place. Just think of the idea of people being enlightened by solemness. You would have as much war, the world's population would slowly decrease to where people in China could actually have more than one child, and it would save our world all together. Not trying to convert anyone to the monk's way, but I think it sounds like a good idea. I thought to myself, doesn't that sound like communism? Well, yeah, but it doesn't outweigh the positives that I've stated.

I sometimes like being evil. Not necessarily the best path to follow along, but it does have some benefits by being hateful. One thing I can't do is try to be evil to break true love. Sure, if the guy has the girl you want, you go ahead and break them up. After they have broken up, you steal the girls' from him and make the guy jealous. Payback. I don't find that using the girl to make the guy jealous is alright. It's immature and gross, nasty, disgusting, and so on and so forth. I believe that things can be settled down with a nice long chat with each other, eye to eye.

I also like how you apologize for being malignant. Sure, you can be one of those bad guys that actually has a heart of gold, but that's a wee bit emo to people's standards. I like the forgiveness you show in your discription. It shows that you are someone that thinks ahead and forwarns people of what's coming up. On ES, you can predict what's going to happen in a poem if the writer makes his poems dependant of each other. Stories don't count unless they're ones that have those crappy endings and are Power Rangers-esque. Now, if you are done with reading my little intro to the poem, I'm going to get started on actually critiquing the thing. I'm so sorry for droning on with my babbling.

"Thy wild eyes aghast
As purplish hues casts your reflection
Back from amethyst irises.
To disobey, thy shall fear my reaction."

Just to let you know, I have a tendency to rip appart someone's poem and then disect it. First off the chest, I like how you start off with the description actually within the poem. You describe the mood to be dark and royal, like how purple is supposed to be. I like how you also used amethyst, it goes along with the poem and it feels like it's needed. Amethyst is usually a darker purple and I would bet that someone else who didn't write this poem would of used "violet" instead. That wouldn't sound right at all as violet is more of a lighter, more escentric color. Violet seems to be a more lively color than amethyst or anything darker. I got to say though, lavender does outbeat both of them in my own opinion.

I can almost see thing becoming a scene in a movie or an actual music video. I also have the time to go through on what I see in the poem. What I can see happening is that there's this couple in bed. This couple is a special one. The woman is on top of the man sitting on his chesting looking down on him. It's about to turn to dusk and the woman can see the sun setting to a colorful, spiritual sky. Things are just getting started with the woman as we all know what is to come because of her winking at the camera oh so sexily. It might sound a bit kinky for a music video that would appear on MTV or VH1, but you know what, if Janet Jackson can get away with it, I think this will suffice. There are things worst than Janet Jackson's music videos (not saying that she has bad taste, but it is a wee bit revealing).

"'And so now,
For a game Thou shall always win
Stop your quavering
And let it begin.'"

I did not exactly like how you had it italicized this stanza. For some reason it look like it was out there and didn't really fit into the rest of the poem. Not saying that you should ditch this stanza, but I would get rid of how it is written. Now, I can tell for sure that this is going to get a bit graphic from your word usage. It's almost like you are pulling in the readers to actually know what goes between the two in terms of sex life. The rhyming in this stanza was definately amazing and it felt like it was perfect. If I was going to do it differently, I don't think it would turn out as great as you put it. It's also nice to read up on words that you don't know. Every word that I am not familiar with, I go to the dictionary to see what it really means. Not only are you telling a story in the format of a poem, but you are teaching vocabulary to those who are not familiar with. Thanks for giving me a new word to explore.

To continue with the little music video that is coming to mind, I could honestly say that it reminds me of Pink's "U + Ur Hand" music video. This little stanza that you have appears on the screen in some fine cursive and it shows the woman smiling and winking to the camera once more. There's not much that I could put into a music video because it goes so well with the first stanza. It's more of like an extension to the first and gives us some insight on what type of person are we expecting to see from reading this.

"Thy released such pleasing
Noises; such arabsque in ears ring well.
Cracks of leather against flesh,
Thou heaven is truly your hell."

I don't know exactly if you are releasing anger out of the person you love or just getting a kick out of it. There are so many reason for being a sadistic lady/gentleman. This is where the poem gets darker and I tend to like the beginning and ending of the poem instead. You've done an exceptionally well done job and you should give yourself a pat on the back. I really like the last line of this stanza, "Thou heaven is truly your hell." That tells me that the fun is real work for the other person. The passion is really expressed in this stanza, it is too overwelming. This makes me think that you are somehow in doing with these sorts of acts. Not saying that it is bad, but if you are a young'un, it's not really pleasing. I believe that minors should not have sex at such a young age. Sex is something that should be handled when they are a little bit older (example: after the graduate school). It doesn't make sense that you'd waste your time with sexual pleasure at a young age. Boys will not be fully mature until they are around in their early twenties. The medieval talk is a really nice touch.

Now that I know what type of language you are using. The lady is a mistress and she's pleasing the king whos wife does not please him one bit. She tends to tie up the king a bit so he won't struggle or move from his "punishment." Whipping out her scourge or whip, the mistress whacks him in the back several times while enjoying the horrid belching screams coming from his mouth. The screams and hollers are enjoyed and the mistress continues her conquest for full pleasure and excitement.

"Your bones, those tensed-up
Swelled sweet muscles under Thou wiles,
Conjured tattooed curves,
Like my deceitful smiles."

Your last stanza was stronger compared to this one, but this one shows one's pleasure afterwards. Sometimes people feel like trash and they like it. I like feeling like trash and wiped out. In this stanza, it feels like your description of the subjects are almost like items I could touch around my house. The pain that the person feels almost makes me feel that way. A poet can create mental pain and fears and strike it onto other people. The bones are barely standing up, but they are even stronger than before. The muscles are branded by the mean leather whip and wear the person's insignia. The zaniness has resulted in a weak man, beaten, but for the reason for the partner. Sacrifices usually lead to content in one's mind and agonize in anothers. The character that is leading the story is truely a dominatrix. Smiling usually leads to being a genial person, but people now have defined a smile as being deceitful.

Part four of the amazing music video in mind: After the long night in the castle, the woman gets off the king's belly who has passed out from all the whipping and excitement. Her adrenaline has finally subsided and she inspects her newest creation on his body. Being the cruel and curious type of person, she traces his body with her fingers and continues with her loving even though the man is incompasitated.

"And yet when the night is done,
Thy felt the innocent sheer bliss
As the sun smears the horizon hues,
Thou left your body with the chains,
And your sweet lips with my kiss."

Usually, I don't like how things have an odd structure, but if it's at the end, I think it's most likely going to be okay with me. Other people will not point it out, but I have started to point it out. Nothing is wrong with it exactly, but I do tend to be a bit distracted by it. To end all the torture, you tell use that the person ends it with a kiss. Sure it's a bit redundent at the end where someone usually says, "I love you" or they kiss, but this was actually pulled off well. I'm in love with the wonderful word of bliss. It's such a calm and gentle word, a bit girly and somehow I associate it with the color pink, but there's no harm in things like that. This is different from the rest of the poem. I'd expect (not really) for the person to spank someone on the ass. I think there's also some correlation between dusk and dawn. It seems that you want a lady on the streets but a freak in the bed. I get the feeling that person is someone that is secretive about what he/she does. This was such an unexpected turn to the poem, but then it could go with the title. Maybe it pains the sadist to leave the person undone with their love.

The last scene: Well when the sun rises, the mistress gets out of the king's king sized bed and walks to the window. She pulls back the curtains and then looks out the window and then recalls her night being a spectacular one. The sun rises and the warm sky welcomes her to another new day. As the mistress looks back to her man, she sees the chains still on him and decides to go back to him and kiss him goodmorning.

This was a really different poem. I've never read anything about the sadistic life of a woman and it seems to have interested me in trying to find some more things that are different. I would never guess that this was an original. It was truely magnificant. It reminded me of a sex addicted wife waiting for her husband to come home and get his daily spanking. Wow, here I am talking about some perverted crud. Was I close to what you wanted it to be? I totally thought it was about some sadistic lady looking for some pleasure.
| Posted on 2007-10-14 00:00:00 | by Finnigan | [ Reply to This ]

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