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    dots Submission Name: forever with youdots

    Author: brokenbylove
    ASL Info:    26/m/australia
    Elite Ratio:    1.27 - 63/298/259
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 823
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 434


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    dotsforever with youdots

    my feelings for you
    they are so true
    i wouldn't lie to you
    cause im so in love with you
    i would die without you
    i cant live without you
    your the one for me the only one i see
    i want to hold you
    i want to be held by you
    in your arms i find peace
    in your heart i find kindness
    in your eyes i find love
    i know im going to spend forever with you...

    Submitted on 2007-10-07 08:42:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I hate it. I think it'll be fine to give to whomever inspired it but in terms of poetry, it's as bad as it can possibly get. It's overly sentimental, unbelievable cliché, there's absolutely no imagery. The only good thing is that it's short. I would start over completely, there's nothing in it that you can salvage. Maybe get specific in your feelings because right now this could be sent to anybody. A good love poem can only be given to the person it was written for. What is it about him/her you can't live without? Put that in the poem.
    | Posted on 2007-10-08 00:00:00 | by cavol | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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