Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Katherine_Music
    ASL Info:    21/F/NC
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 17/18/11
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 490
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 378



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The memories we shared
    are all in the past
    there in nothing
    left between us.
    I wish my heart
    would face the fact
    and end this
    fatal attraction.
    I dream of
    the happier times
    before all this
    hate and sorrow.
    When will the
    pain be gone?
    Will my heart
    even mend?
    8-19-07




    Submitted on 2007-10-07 12:52:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was a good write. As someone mentioned in another comment for this poem, it does appear that the lines want to form together, but you have instead, made them short.

    From my perspective, this method is fine, just as long as you do not put too much strain on the reader by confusion. But, in a way, it does make me want to keep reading to finish the lines and understand what exactly you want to tell me.

    Other than that, I can see the emotion put forth in this write. Good job. Hope to see more like this one in the future. =]

    ~Steph.
    | Posted on 2007-10-10 00:00:00 | by xXCptn_SephyXx | [ Reply to This ]
      One suggustion: don't be afraid to make your lines a bit longer. It seems as if you like to make them short, but this can drastically chop up the flow of your poem and give it a much less appealing taste.

    Also, some words could easily be omitted to cut down on telling the reader everything. Sometimes it is good to let the reader imagine a bit, and give them a chance to apply wour writing to their life.

    Try something of this nature:

    The memories we shared are all in the past-
    there is nothing between us.
    I wish my heart would face the fact
    and end this fatal attraction.
    I dream of the times
    before all this hate and sorrow.
    When will the pain be gone?
    Will my heart ever mend?

    I simply ran your lines together and changed a few words that threw the poem off (in my opinion). I just want you to understand that evevrything I give is optional-you don't have to change a thing if you are content with the poem the way it is.

    ~orange
    | Posted on 2007-10-08 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      You Heart is begining to mend already
    By writing this write and letting out some of the emotion you hold inside you are speedingh up the recovery process
    Do not be afraid to cry
    For tears are a gift from GFod to help the Healing Process
    I will be Praying for you
    God Bless
    Ron
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some 0f my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-10-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    150740

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    The World written by jjd
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Love written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry