My Heart -------------------------------------------
The memories we shared
are all in the past
there in nothing
left between us.
I wish my heart
would face the fact
and end this
I dream of
the happier times
before all this
hate and sorrow.
When will the
pain be gone?
Will my heart
This was a good write. As someone mentioned in another comment for this poem, it does appear that the lines want to form together, but you have instead, made them short.
From my perspective, this method is fine, just as long as you do not put too much strain on the reader by confusion. But, in a way, it does make me want to keep reading to finish the lines and understand what exactly you want to tell me.
Other than that, I can see the emotion put forth in this write. Good job. Hope to see more like this one in the future. =]
One suggustion: don't be afraid to make your lines a bit longer. It seems as if you like to make them short, but this can drastically chop up the flow of your poem and give it a much less appealing taste.
Also, some words could easily be omitted to cut down on telling the reader everything. Sometimes it is good to let the reader imagine a bit, and give them a chance to apply wour writing to their life.
Try something of this nature:
The memories we shared are all in the past-
there is nothing between us.
I wish my heart would face the fact
and end this fatal attraction.
I dream of the times
before all this hate and sorrow.
When will the pain be gone?
Will my heart ever mend?
I simply ran your lines together and changed a few words that threw the poem off (in my opinion). I just want you to understand that evevrything I give is optional-you don't have to change a thing if you are content with the poem the way it is.
You Heart is begining to mend already
By writing this write and letting out some of the emotion you hold inside you are speedingh up the recovery process
Do not be afraid to cry
For tears are a gift from GFod to help the Healing Process
I will be Praying for you
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some 0f my writes and let me know what you think