Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Katherine_Music
    ASL Info:    21/F/NC
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 17/18/11
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 516
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 378



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The memories we shared
    are all in the past
    there in nothing
    left between us.
    I wish my heart
    would face the fact
    and end this
    fatal attraction.
    I dream of
    the happier times
    before all this
    hate and sorrow.
    When will the
    pain be gone?
    Will my heart
    even mend?
    8-19-07




    Submitted on 2007-10-07 12:52:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was a good write. As someone mentioned in another comment for this poem, it does appear that the lines want to form together, but you have instead, made them short.

    From my perspective, this method is fine, just as long as you do not put too much strain on the reader by confusion. But, in a way, it does make me want to keep reading to finish the lines and understand what exactly you want to tell me.

    Other than that, I can see the emotion put forth in this write. Good job. Hope to see more like this one in the future. =]

    ~Steph.
    | Posted on 2007-10-10 00:00:00 | by xXCptn_SephyXx | [ Reply to This ]
      One suggustion: don't be afraid to make your lines a bit longer. It seems as if you like to make them short, but this can drastically chop up the flow of your poem and give it a much less appealing taste.

    Also, some words could easily be omitted to cut down on telling the reader everything. Sometimes it is good to let the reader imagine a bit, and give them a chance to apply wour writing to their life.

    Try something of this nature:

    The memories we shared are all in the past-
    there is nothing between us.
    I wish my heart would face the fact
    and end this fatal attraction.
    I dream of the times
    before all this hate and sorrow.
    When will the pain be gone?
    Will my heart ever mend?

    I simply ran your lines together and changed a few words that threw the poem off (in my opinion). I just want you to understand that evevrything I give is optional-you don't have to change a thing if you are content with the poem the way it is.

    ~orange
    | Posted on 2007-10-08 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      You Heart is begining to mend already
    By writing this write and letting out some of the emotion you hold inside you are speedingh up the recovery process
    Do not be afraid to cry
    For tears are a gift from GFod to help the Healing Process
    I will be Praying for you
    God Bless
    Ron
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some 0f my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2007-10-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    150740

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    The Promise written by annie0888
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To written by SavedDragon
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Giving written by jjd
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    This written by Chelebel
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Bond written by saartha
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Incubus written by monad
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry