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    dots Submission Name: My Heartdots

    Author: Katherine_Music
    ASL Info:    21/F/NC
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 17/18/11
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 502
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 378


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Heartdots

    The memories we shared
    are all in the past
    there in nothing
    left between us.
    I wish my heart
    would face the fact
    and end this
    fatal attraction.
    I dream of
    the happier times
    before all this
    hate and sorrow.
    When will the
    pain be gone?
    Will my heart
    even mend?

    Submitted on 2007-10-07 12:52:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was a good write. As someone mentioned in another comment for this poem, it does appear that the lines want to form together, but you have instead, made them short.

    From my perspective, this method is fine, just as long as you do not put too much strain on the reader by confusion. But, in a way, it does make me want to keep reading to finish the lines and understand what exactly you want to tell me.

    Other than that, I can see the emotion put forth in this write. Good job. Hope to see more like this one in the future. =]

    | Posted on 2007-10-10 00:00:00 | by xXCptn_SephyXx | [ Reply to This ]
      One suggustion: don't be afraid to make your lines a bit longer. It seems as if you like to make them short, but this can drastically chop up the flow of your poem and give it a much less appealing taste.

    Also, some words could easily be omitted to cut down on telling the reader everything. Sometimes it is good to let the reader imagine a bit, and give them a chance to apply wour writing to their life.

    Try something of this nature:

    The memories we shared are all in the past-
    there is nothing between us.
    I wish my heart would face the fact
    and end this fatal attraction.
    I dream of the times
    before all this hate and sorrow.
    When will the pain be gone?
    Will my heart ever mend?

    I simply ran your lines together and changed a few words that threw the poem off (in my opinion). I just want you to understand that evevrything I give is optional-you don't have to change a thing if you are content with the poem the way it is.

    | Posted on 2007-10-08 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      You Heart is begining to mend already
    By writing this write and letting out some of the emotion you hold inside you are speedingh up the recovery process
    Do not be afraid to cry
    For tears are a gift from GFod to help the Healing Process
    I will be Praying for you
    God Bless
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some 0f my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2007-10-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

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