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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When You Echodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LucyDiamond
    ASL Info:    17/F/Sky
    Elite Ratio:    3.95 - 365/561/240
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 102
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 942



    Description:
       This echoes my previous poem 'The Earth Echoes'. An experiment for class....

    I present the structure of the ''pantoum'.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen You Echodots
    -------------------------------------------


    You decided not to exist
    when you froze my bones last January—
    bright as an attic in August
    bathing in the warmth.

    When you froze my bones last January,
    I bit my lip and tasted something like blood
    bathing in the warmth
    my hot red face made.

    I bit my lip and tasted something like blood
    and I could smell the old books;
    my hot red face made
    your ice-skating pond melt.

    I could smell the old books
    like a constant reminder of you—
    your ice-skating pond melts
    and I hear the echo of cracking ice.

    A constant reminder of you
    kisses the back of my neck;
    I can hear the echo of cracking ice
    Spinning away in the distance.

    Kiss the back of my neck,
    bright as an attic in August—
    it all spins away into the distance
    and you decide not to exist.




    Submitted on 2007-10-07 23:13:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The concept is genious; I have not heard of pantoum, but I congratulate you for such an effort. I don't know if I could stand being limited to such a form, but your effect is wonderful. Very captivating and surreal.

    I'm not sure what it's all about... either a love that is lost, or a love that was never really there at all—so, a part of your mind or fancies that comes and go with the seasons (and/or moods) that echo in an out of being.

    Is it okay that this poem, on second reading, disturbed me? Something is very unsettling about it; it is not peaceful or happy. Perhaps it is that is presents and endless echo—inescapeable and unchageable. It is fate, it is only what it is. Sorry... I really do like it; it simply is unsettling. I suppose some great writing should do that, eh?

    Peace,
    -ari(frank)
    | Posted on 2007-10-08 00:00:00 | by Ari Leukos | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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